DOTING.

like every other girl, i really can use some doting on
has the harsh treatment begun?

its times when you have such lousy days,
i wish, never mind.

I hope my smile can distract you
I hope my fists can fight for two
So it never has to show
And you’ll never know

One may think we’re alright
But we need pills to sleep at night
We need lies to make it through the day
We’re not okay

- The Perishers

THIN LINE.

you my friend, need a reality check.

RUN WITH THE HORSES

"There is little to admire and less to imitate in the people who are prominent in our culture. We have celebrities but not saints. Famous entertainers amuse a nation of bored insomniacs. infamous criminals act out the aggressions of timid conformists. petulant and spoiled athletes play games vicariously for the lazy and apathetic spectators. people, aimless and bored, amuse themselves with trivia and trash.

'To our chagrin we discover that the declaration of autonomy has issued not in a race of free, masterly men, but rather in a race that can be described by its poets and dramatists only as bored, vexed, frantic, embittered and sniffling' - Tom Howard

This condition has produced an odd phenomenon: individuals who live trivial lives and then engage in evil acts in order to establish significance for themselves. assassins and hijackers attempt the gigantic leap from obscurity to fame by killing a prominent person or endangering the lives of an airplane full of passengers. often they are successful.

The mass media report their words and display their actions. Writers vie with one another in analyzing their motives and providing psychological profiles on them. No other culture has been as eager to reward either nonsense or wickedness."



credits to Run Wth the Horses by Eugene H. Peterson





i just received the interview date to enrol into NIE to become a teacher
im a bundle of nerves
not only because of the interview, but also because of what God has in store for me
i have been fearful and doubtful of where God seems to be leading
this faith building journey thus, has just started.

WHAT IS IT.

I live my life, the way to keep you coming back to me
Everything I do is for you




So what is it that you can't see?
is there anything in your heart, that keeps you coming back to me?

LET THERE BE LOVE.

"Who kicked a hole in the sky so the heavens would cry over me?
Who stole the soul from the sun in a world come undone at the seams?
The world is waiting for you
May all your dreaming fill the empty sky
But if it makes you happy
Keep on clapping
Just remember I'll be by your side"

-Oasis

SOMETIMES

sometimes i wonder what i mean to anyone
sometimes i wonder whether im worth it
sometimes like now i wish you are here
sometimes like now im not sure if you want to be here
sometimes its easy to forget, say things we regret
sometimes its just so simple to drive people who love us away
sometimes we turn to realise that these people cant help loving us in every way
sometimes like now i wish i can know how you feel
sometimes like now i wish i can be a part of you so i never leave you anyhow
sometimes sometimes its just sometimes like now

THE WORLD NEEDS A LIL MORE LOVE

its times like these when you lie awake in the middle of the night
when you feel too much, think too much
we will always come to the point where we think the world
is against us, when things are not going our way

perhaps my time is now
i cannot place exactly what im feeling right now
but i do know i do need pampering, some tlc, doting on
a little bit of any would do


yan chao always tell me how i shouldnt be a nice person
if not i will end up getting hurt, but how can someone turn evil on purpose
its situations and circumstances that make or break a person

all in all
date me babes!
we can go for cheap manicure, or nice cheap food


im in desperate need of nice people

TRANCE

i have been staying at home everyday to save money AND

i think im suffering from staying at home for too long illness
today was awfully hot as usual
i would think at least 30degrees so i stayed in my living room
then i was so cooped up at home
i decided to go get a swim,
when i left home its like i was in some trance
i didnt know what i was doing entirely
on top that i was a bit dizzy perhaps cause of the heat

i was like stoning in the middle of the road
then i had to go like 'siying! wake up, and watch out for cars'
its like my body is doing what my head hasnt processed
just motion

i think its the irregular amounts of sleep
and the house
i felt better when i went out to swim,
ate dinner and came home

now i dont feel all that dazed.
its weird, truly
and i concluded i cannot be without anything to do
i shall go start doing some work
lest my brain comes to a standstill and cease to function

oh on a happier note!
theres sushi tomorrow with shirley, shu xian and guojun!
and a movie before that i think
awesome :D

and i fell asleep talking to God yesterday
and i wondered whats in store.

WEATHER

take a walk outside and its not hard to notice
the beads of sweat on your forehead, neck and wherenots
i think Singapore has hit a peak of bad weather
hot and humid coupled with strong sunlight
and sometimes a sudden rainstorm

congrats to wan ting and her team for an awesome win today
and many more good matches to come
to make my day better, i started thinking about food
no i insist im not a glutton

just the recent bouts of fever and flu
has rendered my taste buds pretty useless
and now i crave for raw salmon :D

makes me happier thinking about eating it
especially when Daryl and I went to kushin-bo to eat
its really pretty awesome

but i shall save money and eat
the cheapo ones somewhere else
like, suki probably.

and i see a potential sushi partner on facebook
shirley! more to come please,
we can all go and take advantage of the student benefits
while we still can! :D

i love good food!

WHAT ARE WE STRIVING FOR?

'His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of a man; the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put hope in his unfailing love' - Psalms 147:10-11

we get upset and depressed when we are not doing well
our work, our lives as a christian
we then think we are less favoured because there are those
who are better, more talented and anointed
we give up and think God would rather work on other people more

but in the process, we may just lose focus on what really matters to God
are we barking up the wrong tree?

- God is delighted when we revere Him and when we take Him seriously and honour Him in what we do and say. it is an inward condition of our heart
- God is delighted when we trust Him, especially in difficult situations when He seems absent. it is a deliberate action we can take.

today, even if you are facing disappointments, you are no further from delighting God.
even if you are barely coping with a difficult situation, melt the Father's heart by putting hope in his unfailing love.


i love you.

TOMORROW

edit/
i want to drink down all my frustrations and flush them out in pee
tomorrow, drink drank drunk tomorrow.




perhaps this was the best way
i want to be a cold and heartless bitch
like right now

HOME.

till the first plane that brings you back to me,

6 weeks, 42 days, 1008 hours.

"if you love and get hurt, love more
if you love more and get hurt more, love even more
if you love even more and get hurt even more,
love some more until it hurts no more"

-Shakespeare


my friends,
sometimes we all cannot understand why we cannot let go
knowing that we are better off doing so,
its like we are scared to lose what we don't really have

HOW CAN I NOT LOVE YOU.

"How can I not love you?
What do I tell my heart?
When do I not want you here in my arms?
How does one waltz away from all of the memories?
How do I not miss you when you are gone?"

they say when things break they mend back stronger
is it really truly so?

CANT GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD

ever had a train of thoughts in your head
that you never seem to get rid off?
despite attempts to ask the voice to shut up about yourself
deep down at the end you possibly already
given into the thoughts in the first place

these thoughts are usually negative and after
several times of that voice telling you that it is
the voice just gets louder and louder
till it overwhelms your entire soul

i just heard a bang outside and windows shattering
i ran out to see a car yet again knocked into the side of the road
isnt the first accident i have seen
it crashed outside the primary school next to my house
i heard a scream before that
the unpredictability of life

ever wondered how many people will be at your funeral?
i did, just as births and deaths have an effect to make people gather
i wondered if my death would bring more than just tears,
but reconciliation and love

perfect love casts out all fears, so the bible said
i never understood it till last night
fear of abandonment
fear of failure
fear of losing someone
fear of losing pretty much anything at all
fear that you dont match up
fear that you are not worth it
fear that you are more problem causing than solution giving
and these are only the beginning of fears
fears, like darkness
slowly engulfs you
refusing to give you entirely no hope at one shot
with time, it swallows you up and eats you whole


in the end, you lose yourself
never to be found again


am i worth it?

LOVE SONG RECOMMENDATIONS

well, the two songs i shall recommend are by Boyzone,
one is Everyday I Love You and another is No Matter What
ancient but valid still

"If I asked would you say yes?
Together we're the very best
I know that I am truly blessed
Everyday I love you"

Down the Via Dolorosa in Jerusalem that day
The soldiers tried to clear the narrow street
But the crowd pressed in to see
The Man condemned to die on Calvary

He was bleeding from a beating, there were stripes upon His back
And He wore a crown of thorns upon His head
And He bore with every step
The scorn of those who cried out for His death

Down the Via Dolorosa called the way of suffering
Like a lamb came the Messiah, Christ the King,
But He chose to walk that road out ofHis love for you and me.
Down the Via Dolorosa, all the way to Calvary.




im not that kind of girl!

SHARON'S BABY.

before i rush out and forget im supposed to post the picture

she just replied me in the email and said it was ok to put it up

so here you go

isnt he the cutest thing?

interview's later with a super long to do list

for the easter party tomorrow

i should really hull my ass to get started

my brain's finally in full function today

awesome. just awesome.

TESTS,

my entire world was words and more words this morning
the tests were hard, i guess
in a different way
there was the writing test in which i have to select the 5 out of 25 paragraphs
then edit them accordingly
the editing was awfully difficult

then there was the logistics test
it was more of lets say you have only 2 hours to complete
a certain amount of tasks, what will you prioritize first? and why?
the situational judgment test
was something along the lines of lets say you have a group of
foreign delegates but not enough hotel rooms then what do you do
there are a few options so you rank them the ones you think
its more likely to work, and the ones you think is ineffective
it was fun actually, esp the personality test
i was shading away at break neck speed cause i was so sure about the answers
there were things like 'i laugh easily'
and i shaded strongly agree immediately

my life is changing as we speak
and among all that is changing
there are things that remain unchanged
for that sometimes im thankful

you might have heard this before, let me refresh your memory
'God, grant me the courage to change the things i can,
the serenity to accept the things i cannot change
and the wisdom to know the difference'

many of us lack that wisdom to know the difference
me included
and somehow when you know that there is a higher power
then all the burdens get lifted some way or another

sometimes we fight too hard and too long to try and change the things we cannot
and leaving alone all the things we can make a difference in
interview for the PR intern tomorrow
its only a three months work period
i wonder how much experience i can gain

oh and ms sharon has gave birth!
yes, our like im sorta pregnant teacher and
she just sent me the pictures
let me ask her permission to see if i can put up her boy's photo
for the whole world to marvel at how cute he is

stay tuned.

OH HOW LUCKY

no one needs another person to live the rest of their lives
because we were all alone to begin with

today, i give thanks.
not only to the people who have been so ever present in my life so far
i understood the sentence how we all dont miss the water
till the well runs dry
or did i?

what does it mean to really cherish someone?
is it to be waiting here for him?
or is it to be holding so ever tightly never letting go?
for me, its to really just give thanks always
that he is around, healthy and well
and also to give thanks when hes not around
because i know that our God is watching over him always

some people i know hold on cause they dont know how to let go
or they hold on not because they cherish this special someone
but rather they dont want to be alone
one after another, they never cease to dig out the 'perfect one'
its as if they were looking for gold

there is no mr or miss right
there is only a person who is willing to give you the rest of his life
committed to the relationship always and forever
placing his heart in your hands, trusting you with it
with this heart he also gives you the million other opportunities that
he could have given this heart to anyone else

we live in an insane world
to find someone you can grow old together is a blessing
to be always in and out of relationships
spending time, effort and money even to sustain something that
you didnt set out with an end goal in the first place
is so heart wrenching

someone asked me if i died the next second
will i regret that i wasnt in the arms of someone i love
or not even seeing that person at all

then what if you died the next second,
knowing the King of kings and the Lord of lords died for someone like you
someone in this world, on this earth
has gave you an entire heart
placed his in your hands always and forever.

im thankful for His heart, and yours.
thank you.

there is fragility in life
one second we are alive, one second we may just be gone
so look back now and remember
the people who have come and gone in our lives
who came abruptly or left the same way

most importantly, remember the person who gave
you his heart.
his one and only heart, for the one and only you.

IVE GOT IT, my E63 [:

there are still alot on my mind
none of it related to job finding

and i changed number everyone
this time its for good
im kinda lazy to text everyone in my phone
so i shall attempt to let as many people know by msn as possible [:


i can only pray.

E65

there a promotion for this phone! E65
and its like sooo cheap.
im considering

i do have so much on my mind and heart i want to tell
and i really just dont know where to start
my heart feels heavy and my mind is blank
i lie on my bed and i just cannot sleep
church is at 8.30 tomorrow.

i shall go try and lie now
i predict, it will be another sleepless night
of just thinking
of nothing much at all.

OH HELLO.

its like being back in school.

Dear Si Ying

Thank you for your interest in our Ministry and congratulations on being shortlisted for our selection process for the post of Foreign Service Administration Specialist.

Our selection process consists of 2 stages.
Stage 1 of the selection process consists of the following 4 assessments:
(a) Writing Skills Test
(b) Logistical Skills Test
(c) Situational Judgement Test
(d) Personality Test

and what in the world is a situational judgement test
or a logistical skills test
id probably fail that one, logic dont really exist in my world
would the situational judgement test be like
1. if a robber were to ask you for your life or money, what will you do? x]

my visit to the doctors today was coupled
with just more bitter medicine
i think she hates me
cant say im in love with her either

my room is in an entire mess
i have never seen it so messy before
oh well, as long as i can find the things i need
i mean, lets not be too strict with life aye
you can smell my laziness from here

maybe tomorrow maybe
now you can smell my procastination skills

i fell asleep in the afternoon again!
this is disgusting, the weather was so hot
i was in a sauna called my living room


all it took was the aircon, my bed
and how am i going to sleep tonight?
grr.

TRANSFORMATION - LONG POST.

hello fellow earthlings!
i was just chewing on the first chapter of a book
Daryl sponsored before he flew

and i must say, its pretty awesome
blows your mind away really.

interview today was good
i was offered but i declined
the conditions are just, inhuman.
to me at least.

CALL ME TAN TOCK SENG HOSPITAL.
i mean, to tell me i got an interview for the
social work assistant.