WEIRD.

its another interview tomorrow!
and i applied for it like so long ago
i totally forgot about it already
she was 'im calling from J&Co"
i was more of what?

i really prefer the hospital job
this company's position i applied for
is advertising and promotions

i mean, what was going through my mind when i applied?
i am totally not the advertising material!
then if tomorrow they say something like,
do this in photoshop
i will be like glaglaglablahblahblah i dont know man

catchup with angie yesterday till weeee hours
then we were both sitting at the bus stop waiting for her bus
after like 20 minutes?
she was like, maybe there isnt a bus anymore
so we checked and true enough! the last bus had gone
she managed to grab a cab and left
by the time i reached home,
it was a bit late and all the cab drivers were staring at me hungrily
wondering whether i will flag their cabs

its movie later with gaen and her girlfriend
i feel like a million watt lightbulb
shining all so brightly
but we are supposed to catch up so...
i shall distract myself with staring straight at the movie screen. HA.
im trying to ask someone to go with me
DARYL'S IN FRANCE. and,
louis has something on, shaun's at work and sheng ming is at school
debra probably is preparing for her 21st on saturday
and my churchmates caught the movie already
ANYONE FREE TO STOP ME FROM BECOMING A LIGHTBULB?
i shall ask the guys again!

im excited about the class outing on friday!
cause i decided to make sandwiches for everyone!
i think thats the only thing i know how to make properly though
egg mayo sandwich!
so people if you havent confirm your attendance please do!
i have to decide how many eggs to use.
awesome!

im hungry,
and i realize that i always end my blog post with me being hungry
thats odd
typing gives me an appetite?

I MISS DARYL MARK LIM TZE HAO.
GRR. [:

UH OH.

i got a call today for an interview next week
its the position for a PR intern
but its still prudential, just another partner.

i mean i really dont want to be a financial consultant
a lot of people asked me why not and all
its just not my passion!

and i can see the satisfaction of being a financial consultant
that you get to deliver money to people
i know all that
they tell me the drive there is always the money at first
and who doesnt need money!

i just dont want to focus on the needs now
cause once you focus on the needs there will always be fear

oh oh! and tada!
the difference between france and singapore now
is 6 hours, reduced by 1!
isnt it amazing
i know this piece of news doesnt concern you
but lets all stand up and be happy shall we

days passed and i havent got a job
ironically, days passed and hes one more day
to coming back!
so, conflicting emotions

i actually also applied for a Public Relations Officer position
at the A&E department at the hospital
so call me call me before the interview on tuesday
i find that being in this position i can help people
directly more SO CALL ME.

CALL ME YOU HOSPITAL PERSON. [:

WHATS YOUR PASSION?

everyone has a passion about something
whether it is a particular hobby or others
the key is whether you have thought about what your passion
is and what are you going to do with it

i once read a passage in a book that says:
when you die, what do you think of the most?
is it your bank account? the house? or even the car parked outside
no, but rather the people whom we are going to leave behind
and if relationships are so important to you
on your deathbed, shouldnt they be important now?

some people may see a relationship as a transaction
well, then i would say that it pretty much ends up with
nothing much at all

so i pondered about what is my passion?
then i realized that my passion is people
being able to help them, and make a difference

the insurance company's boss told me
' i dont want to live in a condo, or a HDB, i told myself
want to stay on a landed property'

is that what i really want in life?
thats all good but what real satisfaction can one
obtain from perishable items?
when you die, you want people to remember your house?
your car? or you as a person?

your achievements are only so much
but you as a person, will be always remembered

so how do i want to be remembered?
and that will determine what kind of jobs i look for
i have been searching for Public Relations based jobs
for these few weeks

then i realized now i want to put my skills to good use
i havent concluded on this line yet
but im considering doing something with regards to social work
counselling, or helping the youth.

lastly its to really thank God for today's service
the message and that it speaks to me

keep reading here should you want to know what direction
i have set upon
and i know God will also go ahead and pave the way
its frustrating sometimes to know you want to serve
but unable to find avenues to

now i see things in a different light!
and the equation was so simple

off to talk to Daryl [:

OH YOU, LEFT ON A JETPLANE.

i cannot fry a sunny-side-up egg! ]:
that puts me in a foul mood
the yolk always ends up breaking,
then spilling everywhere

but i want it to stay where it is!!!
agitated.

i had quite a funny dream last night,
makes me laugh when i think about it
between Daryl and me aye. [:
i cannot tell you all lest you think im nuts
and i concluded that sleeping beside a window at the corridor
is going to make me have a shorter life span

everytime i am about to fall aslp,
there will be someone suddenly talking outside the window
then i will be jolted awake

and im not having curry chicken at my funeral
you all will get PASTA! [:
but pasta is like more expensive right,
SO MAYBE NOT

im fickle
oh my stomach just growled
not that good a feeling
i see the kitchen beckoning

i miss you! 883060* [:

YES OR NO?

its whether i want to be strong and take the faith plunge
or choosing to give up

tough situations sometimes require the most simple answer
and the easiest way out may not always be the right way

i can always give up, and no one probably cares
but i will always know.
i will always know.

HOLD ON.

im feeling the crunch of the distance
hit me hard these few days
when will the time come when i dont have to be strong anymore

OH WHALE OH WHALE WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON TV.

well, theres another interview tomorrow at 10.30 at tamp
which means i have to be up real early!
its a vacancy for recruitment consultant

well, Jacob and Daryl has been asking me to focus on God first
i guess its quite hard sometimes cause the needs seems so overwhelming
in these few days, i asked for wisdom and direction
to show me where i should be

at times, i envy others
people already with good jobs,
at least doing what they want to do
now, i would think that my God
is so awesome that He will know where to place me
to have the most impact,
to build on others' lives

also, i need money
my bank account has hit a all time low
im not that worried even though the money wont last long
im sure God will provide
He provided for me before
and will always provide

i have to be working hard to find jobs though
so prayerfully, i will be able to shine as a light for Jesus in
what ever profession i come to be in
be it the recruitment consultant tomorrow
or the public relations officer i hope to become

all the requirements i saw need a certain amount of working experience
so hopefully this full time job pays average (enough to survive, okay a bit more than enough to survive so i can have financial freedom!) [:
and provide me the experience i need!

and i give up wearing formal
jeans and tee tomorrow! [:

ANDAND

i forgot to mention, its the end of march!
i would prefer to think april
and half a year more till he comes home!
makes me jump around just thinking of it. [:

NO CAN DO.

i decided not to take up the insurance job
after a talk with my mum and several other people
who have friends in that line

its not that much of how bad that line is
but rather i dont have the capacity for it
i also refused the telemarketing job offered
i figured that if i were to take that up and not
sign up as an insurance agent
it will just disappoint

well, the lady still hasnt text me back so i figured she is prettttty angry
i pray that she doesnt hate me too much

seriously, we can just all let go and let God.
quote of the month aye. [:

A LITTLE LOVE

some encouragement yo.
i'd take everything like a man.

UNSURE,

jacob's conversation with me on msn has made me very unsure
about being in insurance.
i really pray for some light or sign on this issue.
its just a yes or no, but there is so much to consider.

INSURANCE?

hello all! i guess most of you would want to know how my interview went!
it was good, however, he said that because Public Relations is very important to the company. He is looking at experience and minimum a degree.

he did think that i have potential rather, and he offered me a job being a financial consultant. (insurance agent) even though its not just policies, its also investments, unit trusts and bonds that these financial consultants handle.

he is giving me a basic 1500 and also commission on what i sell. i have to hit a certain amount i would think. right now, he lets me work as a telemarketer while waiting for my 21st to come cause only then i will be of age to become a consultant. he is also paying for the exam that i will take should i choose to become an insurance agent/ financial consultant. his secretary says that he believes in investing in people. so im a investment? i would guess.

he shared with me the benefits of being one by being able to help families put food on the table after the breadwinner had died. and most importantly, the money. this job can pay very well if you are willing to work very hard. and thats possibly in most jobs.

practically, my parents are 49, i dont want them to keep working to support my brother and i. and my brother has a dream to draw, and this dream isnt cheap with the school fees for the school he wants to attend because its such a specialised skill. i dont want to shortchange my brother just because my parents dont earn enough and make my brother forgo his dream. As a sister the most i can do is to make sure that he has the resources to do what he wants. and, this job gives just that. the money involved will be enough to put him through the degree he wants.

if i ever want to give my parents and my brother a good life, or an easier life rather with lesser financial burdens, is this the road i have to take?

focus first on God, the rest will follow. where do i go from here then Lord?
tomorrow there will be a seminar on being a financial consultant. i will probably go. the attraction of the seminar is that Adam Khoo is speaking.

alrights, we know no one really bothers about him but, anyone interested?

FRENCHBOY.

thank you,
you mean so much to me.
and Zzzz you are not a pokemon.


alrights, i just saw my friend's pm and it says
'People get what they get, not what they deserve. Live with it"
true to a certain extent!

do pray for my interview on monday!
i am sooo not confident about it
however, id still do my best!

laters.

I TOLD YOU SO

i just heard this awesome song,
carrie underwood. i told you so.
her voice seem made for country music.
songs like these give a perfect touch
to the ending of a day.


well written really, even though the lyrics dont really
apply to me. enjoy [:

I Told You So
Suppose I called you up tonight and told you that I loved you
And suppose I said "I wanna come back home".
And suppose I cried and said "I think I finally learned my lesson"
And I'm tired a-spendin' all my time alone.

If I told you that I realised you're all I ever wanted
And it's killin' me to be so far away.
Would you tell me that you loved me too and would we cry together?
Or would you simply laugh at me and say:

"I told you so, oh I told you so
I told you some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in
I told you so, but you had to go
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".

If I got down on my knees and told you I was yours forever
Would you get down on yours too and take my hand?
Would we get that old time feelin', would we laugh and talk for hours
The way we did when our love first began?

Would you tell me that you'd missed me too and that you'd been so lonely
And you waited for the day that I return.
And we'd live in love forever and that I'm your one and only
Or would you say the tables finally turned?

Would you say:

"I told you so, oh I told you so
I told you some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in
I told you so, but you have to go
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".

"Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".

CREDITS TO SHIRLE, AND JACKJOHNSON.

i felt the lyrics was quite suitable for one of my friends;
so here you go. [:

Must I always be waiting, waiting on you
Must I always be playing, playing your fool

I sang your songs, I danced your dance
I gave your friends all a chance
But putting up with them
Wasn’t worth never having you

Maybe you’ve been through this before
But it’s my first time so please ignore
The next few lines cause they’re directed at you

I can’t always be waiting, waiting on you
I can’t always be playing, playing your fool

I keep playing your part
But it’s not my scene
Want this plot to twist
I’ve had enough mystery
Keep building it up
Then shooting me down
But I’m already down

Just wait a minute
Just sitting, waiting
Just wait a minute
Just sitting, waiting

Well, if I was in your position
I’d put down all my ammunition
I’d wonder why’d it taken me so long

But Lord knows that I’m not you
And if I was, I wouldn’t be so cruel
Cause waitin’ on love aint so easy to do

Must I always be waiting, waiting on you
Must I always be playing, playing your fool

No, I can’t I always be waiting, waiting on you
I can’t always be playing, playing your fool

some guys in life my love,
NOT WORTH IT.
entirely, absolutely, surely
chuck that kid in the dump
and move on

you are stronger than that.

HOUSEKEYS

i lost my house keys. again.
puts me in a foul mood. :[

INTERVIEW

i was still sleeping when she called
'can you come down for an interview at 2.30?'
so i asked the address and hung up.

then it dawned upon me, who was she and where was she calling from?
i had absolutely no idea
i sent out 6 applications and i have no idea which is which!
so i went online to jobscentral to check
and they apparently dont state whether the employer checked the resume or not

there i was, decked out in formal at the office
in my 6 applications, i applied mostly for intern for PR
so i thought this company is probably hiring an intern

the interview was more like a casual chat,
i was told to list my strengths, some of my weaknesses
my hobbies, and things not in the resume basically
so i did. CCAs and what-i-do-in-my-free-time.
she was chatty too and it became a better conversation
then it turned out that she wasnt looking for an intern,
but someone who wants a career in PR
i mean like, gosh at the moment i felt,
how to put it
abruptly slipping into the workforce
like yesterday im still a student, today im supposed to do a 9-6?
i kept saying awesome and cool during the whole interview
and in the end when i was about to leave
the interviewer was like 'awesome!'
shocked me. [:

all's not confirmed till i meet the big boss on monday
of which i am not sure whether he will like me at all
in the meantime, im still spamming employers with my resume [:

i realised today the importance of financial planning
my family doesnt really have money to finance me through university
and i want to make sure that next time should i have kids,
i would want them to rest assured that no matter what interests them
and what paths they want to take, i will have sufficient finances to see them through
its not my parents' issue of course, i mean who teaches financial planning in the old days?
but we, the next generation should know better now.

the purpose of the whole chunk above is to tell you all,
is that im holding back my uni plans.
perhaps id return to my study table after a couple of years of work
but for now, its not practical to do so
the crisis did hit us all in one way or another.

i was looking at my msn, looking for people to talk to
my usual msn game-playing-buddy's not online (aka shengming)
so i decided to count the number of contacts i have
my gosh, 424!
i mean, do i know them all?
its time to clear contacts
then i saw this person i added online for gaming purposes. HAHA.
like gunbound, my gosh! that was ages ago.
i think i added him cause i wanted him to teach me how to use a certain bot.
cracks me up when i think about it

snap out of it siying! you are going to start work soon!
this is not logical at all
i shall go scout for more jobs and send out more resumes
then think about whether i want to download gunbound
id feel less guilty that way. [:

i have this weird craving for laska now
and my supper buddies are all not online :[

the flowers on my table makes me miss you.

HELLO DELL

i managed to get my adapter back from brandon!
and tada! my hugemonous dell laptop is back in action
its really huge, i feel tired typing already.
i can usually reach within every key with my tiny white lenovo aka Betty.
but now, i have to make an extra effort to stretch pass the keys.

met up with my grandmother today,
and i must say, i feel that shes really intelligent.
not as in books-wise.
but she really knows alot.
for example, when the ladyfingers' are left outside longer than they should,
and also, practicality. i would say that shes really different from the
typical singaporean young housewife we see on the streets
in my opinion, my grandmama has substance!
yes, thats the word i was looking for! substance.

and! my hugemonous dell has this awesome ability to type chinese
so as i promised, i shall type the stuff i wrote in chinese!

post titled WEEHOURS.

怎样才算付出自己的真心？
当自己的一切， 甚至连性命都不重要。
你的心，只属于他这个人。
即使让你如何心痛，心伤，
你也无法离弃，一无反顾。
没有选择，没有犹豫。
非如此不可。

post titled SPLIT
感情是贵在专至，始终如一。

swimming session has been quite therapeutic.
its a pity that i wasnt decisive enough to swim when the sun was scorching hot today
in the end when i reached, it was bout six plus and not that hot already.
swam only for a while, the flies started coming
and all the dead flies floating in the water is not a pretty sight
trust me

alrights, i sense the beckoning of yakult!
laters!

ESFP

from shirle's blog who saw it off shuxian's blog, and ima ESFP!

The Performer

As an ESFP, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. Your secondary mode is internal, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system.

ESFPs live in the world of people possibilties. They love people and new experiences. They are lively and fun, and enjoy being the center of attention. They live in the here-and-now, and relish excitement and drama in their lives.(DARYL LOOK AT THIS, LOL)

ESFPs have very strong inter-personal skills, and may find themselves in the role of the peacemaker frequently. Since they make decisions by using their personal values, they are usually very sympathetic and concerned for other people's well-being. They're usually quite generous and warm. They are very observant about other people, and seem to sense what is wrong with someone before others might, responding warmly with a solution to a practical need. They might not be the best advice-givers in the world, because they dislike theory and future-planning, but they are great for giving practical care.

ESFP is definitely a spontaneous, optimistic individual. They love to have fun. If the ESFP has not developed their Thinking side by giving consideration to rational thought processing, they tend to become over-indulgent, and place more importance on immediate sensation and gratification than on their duties and obligations. They may also avoid looking at long-term consequences of their actions.

For the ESFP, the entire world is a stage. They love to be the center of attention and perform for people. They're constantly putting on a show for others to entertain them and make them happy. They enjoy stimulating other people's senses, and are extremely good at it. They would love nothing more than for life to be a continual party, in which they play the role of the fun-loving host.

ESFPs love people, and everybody loves an ESFP. One of their greatest gifts is their general acceptance of everyone. They are upbeat and enthusiastic, and genuinely like almost everybody. An ESFP is unfailingly warm and generous with their friends, and they generally treat everyone as a friend. However, once crosesed, an ESFP is likely to make a very strong and stubborn judgment against the person who crossed them. They are capable of deep dislike in such a situation.

The ESFP under a great deal of stress gets overwhelmed with negatives thoughts and possibilities. As an optimistic individual who lives in the world of possibilities, negative possibilities do not sit well with them. In an effort to combat these thoughts, they're likely to come up with simple, global statements to explain away the problem. These simplistic explanations may or may not truly get to the nature of the issue, but they serve the ESFP well by allowing them to get over it.

ESFPs are likely to be very practical, although they hate structure and routine. They like to "go with the flow", trusting in their ability to improvise in any situation presented to them. They learn best with "hands-on" experience, rather than by studying a book. They're uncomfortable with theory. If an ESFP hasn't developed their intuitive side, they may tend to avoid situations which involve a lot of theoretical thinking, or which are complex and ambiguous. For this reason, an ESFP may have difficulty in school. On the other hand, the ESFP does extremely well in situations where they're allowed to learn by interacting with others, or in which they "learn by doing".

ESFPs have a very well-developed appreciation for aesthetic beauty, and an excellent sense of space and function. If they have the means, they're likely to have to have many beautiful possessions, and an artfully furnished home. In general, they take great pleasure in objects of aesthetic beauty. They're likely to have a strong appreciation for the finer things in life, such as good food and good wine.

The ESFP is a great team player. He or she is not likely to create any problems or fuss, and is likely to create the most fun environment possible for getting the task done. ESFPs will do best in careers in which they are able to use their excellent people skills, along with their abilities to meld ideas into structured formats. Since they are fast-paced individuals who like new experiences, they should choose careers which offer or require a lot of diversity, as well as people skills.

ESFPs usually like to feel strongly bonded with other people, and have a connection with animals and small children that is not found in most other types. They're likely to have a strong appreciation for the beauties of nature as well.

The ESFP has a tremendous love for life, and knows how to have fun. (AWESOME.)They like to bring others along on their fun-rides, and are typically a lot of fun to be with. They're flexible, adaptable, genuinely interested in people, and usually kind-hearted. They have a special ability to get a lot of fun out of life, but they need to watch out for the pitfalls associated with living entirely in the moment.

Possible Career Paths for the ESFP:

• Artists, Performers and Actors
• Sales Representatives
• Counselors / Social Work
• Child Care
• Fashion Designers
• Interior Decorators
• Consultants
• Photographer
  

PUREST OF PAIN, SON BY 4.

I'm sorry I didn't mean to call you
But I couldn't fight it
I guess I was weak and couldn't even hide it
And so I surrender just to hear your voice

But there's something baby that you need to know
That deep inside me I feel like I'm dying
I have to see you it's all that I'm asking

Baby, give me back my fantasies
The courage that I need to live
The air that I breathe

nice song.

“Everyone of us is losing something precious to us. Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back again. That’s part of what it means to be alive. But inside our heads—at least that’s where I imagine it—there’s a little room where we store those memories. A room like the stacks in this library. And to understand the workings of our own heart we have to keep on making new reference cards. We have to dust things off every once in a while, let in fresh air, change the water in the flower vases. In other words, you’ll live forever in your own little private library.”

--Oshima

off ting's blog, awesome.

COST.

the wind was cold, along with it came the smell of the sea,
and mashed with memories
there is nowhere to run sometimes,
protection from hurt is represented by a door
that stays bolted and shut from the world outside

inside here, there is nothing that i dont want to see
no one i cannot talk to.
i feel safe being here, sometimes.

words are powerful, they have the ability to build someone up,
or tear them down to the very last of their soul
just because words dont take much effort to say,
doesnt mean the impact of it will be any lesser than that insignificant effort
you made to blurt them out.

what was the intention? right now, does it matter?
even if we fought, killed, bled and died
will the end result remain the way it is?
its sad that sometimes, the entire situation depends on one person
and that one person doesnt let go,
along with him, he dragged loved ones
shackled them to his own pain and memories
forced to remain in darkness forever


when will you let go?

SPLIT

gan qing shi gui zai quan zhi, shi zhong ru yi.

the meaning of this sentence is,
worthy are the feelings only for one woman
i remember pastor saying before that

the sexiest man in the world is the man that can only satisfy one woman and be satisfied by that same one woman his entire life.

wonder how is there always room for another person in
someone's heart,
how can you be holding the hand of one, and dreaming of another?


is that not...?

WEE HOURS

interview's today! its still okay i guess [:
and im still awake watching DVDs.
i love the new show i brought, and and i cant stop watching!
im officially addicted
really romantic!
the way the lady described love is really thought provoking.
let me try and translate it to english. honestly the chinese version brings out more meaning.

what does giving of yourself mean?
when everything, even your life dont matter, your heart only belongs to that person, no matter how painful, hurting, you cannot leave, or turn your back. no choices, no hesitations, the only way.

a pity my computer cannot type chinese, but i shall put the hanyupinyin version here!
i hope you all get it! or else you can ask me to repeat it to you. ;D

zen yang cai suan fu qu zi ji de zhen xing?
dang zi ji de yi qie, shen zhi lian xing ming dou bu zhong yao,
ni de xing, zhi shu yu ta zhe ke ren
ji shi rang ni ru he xing tong, xing shang,
ni ye wu fa li qi, yi wu fan gu
mei you xuan zhe, mei you you yu
fei ru ci bu ke

here you go!
theres nothing much to my week or my day
but rather alot of thoughts i would rather keep it inside
till that first flight that brings you home to me


id always be waiting for you

I MISS YOU.

i feel insignificant sometimes.

ITS LONG GONE

a possibly sad note to a day,
the rain brings a mixture of emotions that's not particularly happy
nor extremely sad

its long gone,
was the goodbye to the past, and a hello to what is going to be
cannot help but sigh, as i look outside
wishing some things can change, or some things that are going to change remain the same forever. of course, no one gets what they want really.

sometimes i wonder who cares that i care
sometimes i wonder whether things will be okay
sometimes i just dont like to be kept in the dark,
just cause its about someone i aint particularly in love with.

its frustrating to be me

MAKING LOVE OUTTA NOTHING AT ALL.

But I dont know how to leave you,
And Ill never let you fall;
And I dont know how you do it,
Making love out of nothing at all

I MISS YOU.


i hate my cramps.
i hate hate hate them.