ITS LONE GONE

i moved!

2009-07-30T22:17:00.002+08:00

i have officially moved!

airboyisthelove.livejournal.com

and yes, theres no www(:
much loves.

DOUBLE LIVES

2009-05-30T01:16:00.001+08:00

im like leading double lives,
updating my other blog and here also.
if you want my other blog, do ask me for the link!

and and, cause there like memories here too,
im still in the midst of considering whether to close it down

2 more days,
and siying disappears for 2 weeks! :D
take it as a short hiatus

i will be back before you know it!

RUN.

2009-05-21T21:19:00.003+08:00

sometimes i wish i have someone
to sing this to me! :D

run baby run
don't ever look back
they'll tear us apart
if you give them the chance
don't sell your heart
don't say we're not meant to be

run baby run
forever will be you and me
check yes juliet
I'll be waiting
wishing, wanting
yours for the taking
just sneak out and don't tell a soul goodbye

INSIDE YOUR HEAVEN

2009-05-19T22:08:00.001+08:00

when we touch,
when we love
the stars line up
the wrong becomes undone

naturally, my soul surrenders
the sun and the moonlight
all my dreams are in your eyes

and I wanna be inside your heaven
take me to the place you cry from
when a storm blows your way
I wanna be the earth that holds you
every bit of air your breathin in
a soothin wind
I wanna be inside your heaven

when minutes turn to days and years
if mountains fall, I'll still be here
holding you until the day I die
I wanna be inside your heaven
take me to the place you cry from
when a storm blows your way

SOMEWHERE

2009-05-19T02:44:00.001+08:00

Somewhere Between All Our Laughs (from the very first day),
Long Talks (at everywhere plus supper),
Stupid Little Fights (over nothing much)
And All Our (Lame) Jokes,
I Fell In Love

approximately 13 more days
and counting

WOULD YOU SAY,

2009-05-16T15:55:00.003+08:00

comparisions are pointless and endless
one should not look to comparing unless
its to compare past and present
learn from mistakes, reflect and move on
comparisions are only useful in constructing someone
anything else, is pointless
and make everything cease to have meaning.

'she looks at the list he made, the list of how he fell in love with her
clutching it in her hand she realises for sure,
how things will never be the same again'

AS LONG AS

2009-05-15T16:19:00.000+08:00

a pop song having an old-age concept
the concept of second chances

Dont care
what is written in your history
As long as youre here with me
I dont care who you are
Where youre from
What you did
As long as you love me

THATS JUST IT.

2009-05-14T20:49:00.005+08:00

life, in so many instances
has no second chances
people appearing in your life,
causing you to change directions,
make decisions resulting in you
never able to be the same again

then those people walk out,
leaving behind everything they once built
they once tried to built

you may ask why i am writing all these
i realised, if not a little too late,
the toughest thing in life is not to ask for a second shot
at something, a second chance in doing something right
from anyone else for that matter

but finding the reason to give yourself a second chance
finding the reason to believe you will do it right this time
especially when you are in a position where doing it right
is so uncertain, not something whereby you put in hard work,
you can expect things will work out somehow.
i cannot find this reason

will i then now, deny myself of this second chance?

its sad, that its me i cant cross

If I got down on my knees and told you
I was yours forever
Would you get down on yours too and take my hand?
Would we get that old time feelin', would we laugh and talk for hours
The way we did when our love first began?

HEATED

2009-05-14T00:22:00.003+08:00

i just finished a heated debate with janice
about morals and perceptions
my brain cells are finished

no more intellectual questions today please

lets do emotional now
i know that there are so many people in my life in ngee ann
who came in and out of my life but left such deep impressions
that i will not forget for the rest of my life
words are only words, but words are all i have
i cannot begin to express how much i cherish each and every one of you
who crossed my path

shirley,weekok,rodney,shuxian
the days of doing rubbish projects at canteen one is over
in fact, canteen one days are over
wherever, however we moved on in life,
i pray that we will always stay in touch
thank you, for giving me an opportunity to care for you
each and every one of you

i appreciate all your uniqueness and talents
i appreciate all your friendship and time
words cannot begin to describe
this ending of a phase but the exciting beginning of all our lives
my friends from ngee ann,
our lives, have just begun!

WHOLE AGAIN

2009-05-13T01:35:00.002+08:00

Looking back on when we first met
I cannot escape and I cannot forget
Baby you're the one, you still turn me on
You can make me whole again

Time is laying heavy on my heart
Seems I've got too much of it
Since we've been apart
My friends make me smile, if only for a while
You can make me whole again

its graduation today!
awesome.
and i right now am more concerned with a growing
pimple under my eyelid
it says online that its caused by poor nutrition and stress
or dirty things that touch the eyes

and i already think i knew what
please just dont swell and burst pimple!
i hope it goes away like with at least 20 hours of slp
i shall hibernate

even though im not sure whether i can sleep that long

CAN IT?

2009-05-12T01:27:00.003+08:00

will things be simpler?

will i not struggle?

it seems like the right thing to do

tell me its wrong

STOP CRYING YOUR HEART OUT

2009-05-11T15:06:00.001+08:00

Hold up
Hold on
Don't be scared,
You'll never change what's been and gone
May your smile,
Shine on,
Don't be scared,
Your destiny may keep you warm,
'Cause all of the stars,
Have faded away
Just try not to worry,
You'll see them someday,
Take what you need,
And be on your way and
Stop crying your heart out

WORTH

2009-05-11T00:30:00.002+08:00

ever wonder how people just can make you feel worthless sometimes?
they know what to say and which area to hit just right to make you cringe
bending over in pain looking for a place to hide

i do, and we all do.

today however i give thanks to a person who gave me an injection
of encouragement right when i needed the most
it hasnt been the best week and there has been so much doubts
in my head, cast by people of the past or present

on a side note, caught star trek today with my family
it was pretty awesome
i however am lost when it comes to physics
such as alternate realities, time and space travel theories
my gosh, i just take things that happened as the way they happened

monday has already come,
and this is the start of a great great week
by faith

FINALLY SOME GOOD NEWS

2009-05-10T01:14:00.002+08:00

congrats sheng ming for getting into NRA!
&happy birthday dad!
happy mothers day mum!
let there be a stream of good news tomorrow!

the more i learn the more i love
the more my heart cant get enough
thats when i love you,
no matter what.

THOSE DAYS, WEAK

2009-05-08T11:13:00.003+08:00

its one of those days that i have so much bad things on my mind
that i become numb to feeling upset about the bad things
like how i reviewed the past few days and feel that
i have so many areas to work on, so much support i perhaps may need
im not sure if there is any good news this week in store for me

usually when im upset i will go eat something good
i dont feel like doing that now, in fact i no longer really want to eat anything
i can just sit here the whole day staring at the window
my mind just a blank, thinking of nothing and remember nothing in particular

its one of those days where im not sure how long it will last
where im not sure even whether i want it to last
some people are willing to let themselves mop like this forever
sink into this pit that they themselves not want to get out from
i for one, am not sure where the line lies now

"'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel"

EMOTIONAL

2009-05-08T00:37:00.002+08:00

im sick, i should be sleeping
and i wonder why i had to pick such nights to stay awake
i opened the door and stood at the corridor outside

i like the view from my house, not too high to see nothing
and not too low to be unable to make out details

the air was cold, i looked up at the skies
then my vision blurred
i knew it
i was trying to ignore that
constant tagging at my heart for so long
i miss you, perhaps more than i thought

JACK OF ALL TRADES

2009-05-06T23:20:00.002+08:00

i feel that im a jack of most trades
and a master of none
im not sure if i am happy being this way
that remains to be seen

my sentiments today include how much of a lousy week this is
and how my shoulders ache from carrying the accessories around
how the most little things in life can really ruin a day
transport, weather etc.

and i also believe that similarly there are so many little things
in life that makes a great difference in my day
getting to really rely on God in many aspects
where we cant fill up, He always does
and a short phone call from France

today i wondered if forgetting the past allows me
to move forward better,
past failures and hurts
today i wondered how to truly help people
leaving in them something that they can rely on for a lifetime
i guess, i can only do so much

this life has been faith building, i experienced loss, pain, separation
i also experienced new life, second chances, love
i cannot help and look back at the choices i made that carried me thus far
the wrong ones that seems etched into my mind
and the right ones that never fails to make me smile

today is just reminiscence.

And if tomorrow brings a lonely day
Here and now i know I haven't lived in vain
I'll cry my tears in the rain and if love never comes again
I can always say
I've been to paradise skies in your eyes

BORED TO TEARS.

2009-05-05T22:15:00.003+08:00

i am bored to tears.
within this period of time not knowing whether im being accepted for the
teaching position and hence not able to know my commitment
also means i dont know what kind of job to look for

which means these agonising 15 days wait is sad
at least i can be going around looking for a job or something
but now im just bumped at home

one possible good thing is that im able to show my support
at all of wan ting's matches, with another one tomorrow
other things im busy with includes sorting out the accessories
that my cousin wants to sell, helping her start an online children accessories shop
and should any one of you like the accessories
custom-made is also available.

other good things could include trying to beat my personal high score on scramble and Hell's Kitchen. not that healthy if you ask me

couple of birthdays coming up, louis and shengming
not too sure what to get either of them
any suggestions do tag my tagboard! :D

TIME

2009-05-03T19:39:00.002+08:00

everyone has an irresistible desire, to be irresistibly desired.

ALONE.

2009-05-03T18:18:00.002+08:00

i finally am burdened by being different
there is within me a desire to no longer be who i am
i tried, i really did

but then again does it matter?
no one will take pity on this heart
scarred and wounded

and thats the way the world works
its this point, the make or break point
where your values are being requestioned
where your love undermined

giving up or giving in?
then again does it matter?
what i live with or for?

i dont want to care
no more
i want to love people like they deserved to be loved
beats the superficial and temporary

and i will be happy
with or without

2009-05-03T01:24:00.002+08:00

so much for through thick and thin
for better or worse

my interview was ok!
cause it was a chinese teacher position
so they interviewed me in chinese mostly
so rusty at my chinese already!
oh but wells,
i didnt do that awesome till i was amazed at myself
i didnt do that badly till i entirely have no chance
so its up to God now and we will see how things go.

sometimes i sit here and wonder
what is this ability we have inside of us
to conjure up things to hurt those closest to us
the words we say, the things we did or did not do
its as if we are fine just stabbing each other with words

what one say may not be interpreted as the exact same meaning it was intended
sometimes it becomes a fact that we hurt who we care for and about
no matter how carefully we phrased our sentences and choose our words
sometimes when we regret its too late
sometimes apologies dont work wonders

perhaps to you i am such a girl
and you wondered where all the good parts went
when we rely on the same drug that harms us to give us comfort instead
think what you want
say what you wish
the accusations that stand against me i will not fight back
what do i fight back with? i wonder
will you then care for my well-being or be moved by my pathetic-ness?

we all know the answer well
if i turned around and you did too,
will we keep walking till our lives never intersect
ever again?

DOTING.

2009-04-30T13:27:00.002+08:00

like every other girl, i really can use some doting on
has the harsh treatment begun?

its times when you have such lousy days,
i wish, never mind.

I hope my smile can distract you
I hope my fists can fight for two
So it never has to show
And you’ll never know

One may think we’re alright
But we need pills to sleep at night
We need lies to make it through the day
We’re not okay

- The Perishers

THIN LINE.

2009-04-29T00:55:00.003+08:00

you my friend, need a reality check.

RUN WITH THE HORSES

2009-04-26T17:10:00.002+08:00

"There is little to admire and less to imitate in the people who are prominent in our culture. We have celebrities but not saints. Famous entertainers amuse a nation of bored insomniacs. infamous criminals act out the aggressions of timid conformists. petulant and spoiled athletes play games vicariously for the lazy and apathetic spectators. people, aimless and bored, amuse themselves with trivia and trash.

'To our chagrin we discover that the declaration of autonomy has issued not in a race of free, masterly men, but rather in a race that can be described by its poets and dramatists only as bored, vexed, frantic, embittered and sniffling' - Tom Howard

This condition has produced an odd phenomenon: individuals who live trivial lives and then engage in evil acts in order to establish significance for themselves. assassins and hijackers attempt the gigantic leap from obscurity to fame by killing a prominent person or endangering the lives of an airplane full of passengers. often they are successful.

The mass media report their words and display their actions. Writers vie with one another in analyzing their motives and providing psychological profiles on them. No other culture has been as eager to reward either nonsense or wickedness."

credits to Run Wth the Horses by Eugene H. Peterson

i just received the interview date to enrol into NIE to become a teacher
im a bundle of nerves
not only because of the interview, but also because of what God has in store for me
i have been fearful and doubtful of where God seems to be leading
this faith building journey thus, has just started.

WHAT IS IT.

2009-04-25T02:07:00.002+08:00

I live my life, the way to keep you coming back to me
Everything I do is for you

So what is it that you can't see?
is there anything in your heart, that keeps you coming back to me?

LET THERE BE LOVE.

2009-04-25T01:39:00.002+08:00

"Who kicked a hole in the sky so the heavens would cry over me?
Who stole the soul from the sun in a world come undone at the seams?
The world is waiting for you
May all your dreaming fill the empty sky
But if it makes you happy
Keep on clapping
Just remember I'll be by your side"

-Oasis

SOMETIMES

2009-04-25T00:17:00.002+08:00

sometimes i wonder what i mean to anyone
sometimes i wonder whether im worth it
sometimes like now i wish you are here
sometimes like now im not sure if you want to be here
sometimes its easy to forget, say things we regret
sometimes its just so simple to drive people who love us away
sometimes we turn to realise that these people cant help loving us in every way
sometimes like now i wish i can know how you feel
sometimes like now i wish i can be a part of you so i never leave you anyhow
sometimes sometimes its just sometimes like now

THE WORLD NEEDS A LIL MORE LOVE

2009-04-24T11:21:00.002+08:00

its times like these when you lie awake in the middle of the night
when you feel too much, think too much
we will always come to the point where we think the world
is against us, when things are not going our way

perhaps my time is now
i cannot place exactly what im feeling right now
but i do know i do need pampering, some tlc, doting on
a little bit of any would do

yan chao always tell me how i shouldnt be a nice person
if not i will end up getting hurt, but how can someone turn evil on purpose
its situations and circumstances that make or break a person

all in all
date me babes!
we can go for cheap manicure, or nice cheap food

im in desperate need of nice people

TRANCE

2009-04-23T21:34:00.002+08:00

i have been staying at home everyday to save money AND

i think im suffering from staying at home for too long illness
today was awfully hot as usual
i would think at least 30degrees so i stayed in my living room
then i was so cooped up at home
i decided to go get a swim,
when i left home its like i was in some trance
i didnt know what i was doing entirely
on top that i was a bit dizzy perhaps cause of the heat

i was like stoning in the middle of the road
then i had to go like 'siying! wake up, and watch out for cars'
its like my body is doing what my head hasnt processed
just motion

i think its the irregular amounts of sleep
and the house
i felt better when i went out to swim,
ate dinner and came home

now i dont feel all that dazed.
its weird, truly
and i concluded i cannot be without anything to do
i shall go start doing some work
lest my brain comes to a standstill and cease to function

oh on a happier note!
theres sushi tomorrow with shirley, shu xian and guojun!
and a movie before that i think
awesome :D

and i fell asleep talking to God yesterday
and i wondered whats in store.

WEATHER

2009-04-22T18:58:00.002+08:00

take a walk outside and its not hard to notice
the beads of sweat on your forehead, neck and wherenots
i think Singapore has hit a peak of bad weather
hot and humid coupled with strong sunlight
and sometimes a sudden rainstorm

congrats to wan ting and her team for an awesome win today
and many more good matches to come
to make my day better, i started thinking about food
no i insist im not a glutton

just the recent bouts of fever and flu
has rendered my taste buds pretty useless
and now i crave for raw salmon :D

makes me happier thinking about eating it
especially when Daryl and I went to kushin-bo to eat
its really pretty awesome

but i shall save money and eat
the cheapo ones somewhere else
like, suki probably.

and i see a potential sushi partner on facebook
shirley! more to come please,
we can all go and take advantage of the student benefits
while we still can! :D

i love good food!

WHAT ARE WE STRIVING FOR?

2009-04-20T16:51:00.002+08:00

'His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of a man; the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put hope in his unfailing love' - Psalms 147:10-11

we get upset and depressed when we are not doing well
our work, our lives as a christian
we then think we are less favoured because there are those
who are better, more talented and anointed
we give up and think God would rather work on other people more

but in the process, we may just lose focus on what really matters to God
are we barking up the wrong tree?

- God is delighted when we revere Him and when we take Him seriously and honour Him in what we do and say. it is an inward condition of our heart
- God is delighted when we trust Him, especially in difficult situations when He seems absent. it is a deliberate action we can take.

today, even if you are facing disappointments, you are no further from delighting God.
even if you are barely coping with a difficult situation, melt the Father's heart by putting hope in his unfailing love.

i love you.

TOMORROW

2009-04-19T23:17:00.003+08:00

edit/
i want to drink down all my frustrations and flush them out in pee
tomorrow, drink drank drunk tomorrow.

perhaps this was the best way
i want to be a cold and heartless bitch
like right now

HOME.

2009-04-18T00:43:00.001+08:00

till the first plane that brings you back to me,

6 weeks, 42 days, 1008 hours.

2009-04-16T23:02:00.003+08:00

"if you love and get hurt, love more
if you love more and get hurt more, love even more
if you love even more and get hurt even more,
love some more until it hurts no more"

-Shakespeare

my friends,
sometimes we all cannot understand why we cannot let go
knowing that we are better off doing so,
its like we are scared to lose what we don't really have

HOW CAN I NOT LOVE YOU.

2009-04-15T23:20:00.002+08:00

"How can I not love you?
What do I tell my heart?
When do I not want you here in my arms?
How does one waltz away from all of the memories?
How do I not miss you when you are gone?"

they say when things break they mend back stronger
is it really truly so?

CANT GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD

2009-04-15T12:12:00.002+08:00

ever had a train of thoughts in your head
that you never seem to get rid off?
despite attempts to ask the voice to shut up about yourself
deep down at the end you possibly already
given into the thoughts in the first place

these thoughts are usually negative and after
several times of that voice telling you that it is
the voice just gets louder and louder
till it overwhelms your entire soul

i just heard a bang outside and windows shattering
i ran out to see a car yet again knocked into the side of the road
isnt the first accident i have seen
it crashed outside the primary school next to my house
i heard a scream before that
the unpredictability of life

ever wondered how many people will be at your funeral?
i did, just as births and deaths have an effect to make people gather
i wondered if my death would bring more than just tears,
but reconciliation and love

perfect love casts out all fears, so the bible said
i never understood it till last night
fear of abandonment
fear of failure
fear of losing someone
fear of losing pretty much anything at all
fear that you dont match up
fear that you are not worth it
fear that you are more problem causing than solution giving
and these are only the beginning of fears
fears, like darkness
slowly engulfs you
refusing to give you entirely no hope at one shot
with time, it swallows you up and eats you whole

in the end, you lose yourself
never to be found again

am i worth it?

LOVE SONG RECOMMENDATIONS

2009-04-14T01:04:00.001+08:00

well, the two songs i shall recommend are by Boyzone,
one is Everyday I Love You and another is No Matter What
ancient but valid still

"If I asked would you say yes?
Together we're the very best
I know that I am truly blessed
Everyday I love you"

2009-04-11T00:17:00.000+08:00

Down the Via Dolorosa in Jerusalem that day
The soldiers tried to clear the narrow street
But the crowd pressed in to see
The Man condemned to die on Calvary

He was bleeding from a beating, there were stripes upon His back
And He wore a crown of thorns upon His head
And He bore with every step
The scorn of those who cried out for His death

Down the Via Dolorosa called the way of suffering
Like a lamb came the Messiah, Christ the King,
But He chose to walk that road out ofHis love for you and me.
Down the Via Dolorosa, all the way to Calvary.

im not that kind of girl!

SHARON'S BABY.

2009-04-09T12:58:00.002+08:00

before i rush out and forget im supposed to post the picture

she just replied me in the email and said it was ok to put it up

so here you go

isnt he the cutest thing?

interview's later with a super long to do list

for the easter party tomorrow

i should really hull my ass to get started

my brain's finally in full function today

awesome. just awesome.

TESTS,

2009-04-08T22:19:00.002+08:00

my entire world was words and more words this morning
the tests were hard, i guess
in a different way
there was the writing test in which i have to select the 5 out of 25 paragraphs
then edit them accordingly
the editing was awfully difficult

then there was the logistics test
it was more of lets say you have only 2 hours to complete
a certain amount of tasks, what will you prioritize first? and why?
the situational judgment test
was something along the lines of lets say you have a group of
foreign delegates but not enough hotel rooms then what do you do
there are a few options so you rank them the ones you think
its more likely to work, and the ones you think is ineffective
it was fun actually, esp the personality test
i was shading away at break neck speed cause i was so sure about the answers
there were things like 'i laugh easily'
and i shaded strongly agree immediately

my life is changing as we speak
and among all that is changing
there are things that remain unchanged
for that sometimes im thankful

you might have heard this before, let me refresh your memory
'God, grant me the courage to change the things i can,
the serenity to accept the things i cannot change
and the wisdom to know the difference'

many of us lack that wisdom to know the difference
me included
and somehow when you know that there is a higher power
then all the burdens get lifted some way or another

sometimes we fight too hard and too long to try and change the things we cannot
and leaving alone all the things we can make a difference in
interview for the PR intern tomorrow
its only a three months work period
i wonder how much experience i can gain

oh and ms sharon has gave birth!
yes, our like im sorta pregnant teacher and
she just sent me the pictures
let me ask her permission to see if i can put up her boy's photo
for the whole world to marvel at how cute he is

stay tuned.

OH HOW LUCKY

2009-04-06T23:52:00.003+08:00

no one needs another person to live the rest of their lives
because we were all alone to begin with

today, i give thanks.
not only to the people who have been so ever present in my life so far
i understood the sentence how we all dont miss the water
till the well runs dry
or did i?

what does it mean to really cherish someone?
is it to be waiting here for him?
or is it to be holding so ever tightly never letting go?
for me, its to really just give thanks always
that he is around, healthy and well
and also to give thanks when hes not around
because i know that our God is watching over him always

some people i know hold on cause they dont know how to let go
or they hold on not because they cherish this special someone
but rather they dont want to be alone
one after another, they never cease to dig out the 'perfect one'
its as if they were looking for gold

there is no mr or miss right
there is only a person who is willing to give you the rest of his life
committed to the relationship always and forever
placing his heart in your hands, trusting you with it
with this heart he also gives you the million other opportunities that
he could have given this heart to anyone else

we live in an insane world
to find someone you can grow old together is a blessing
to be always in and out of relationships
spending time, effort and money even to sustain something that
you didnt set out with an end goal in the first place
is so heart wrenching

someone asked me if i died the next second
will i regret that i wasnt in the arms of someone i love
or not even seeing that person at all

then what if you died the next second,
knowing the King of kings and the Lord of lords died for someone like you
someone in this world, on this earth
has gave you an entire heart
placed his in your hands always and forever.

im thankful for His heart, and yours.
thank you.

there is fragility in life
one second we are alive, one second we may just be gone
so look back now and remember
the people who have come and gone in our lives
who came abruptly or left the same way

most importantly, remember the person who gave
you his heart.
his one and only heart, for the one and only you.

IVE GOT IT, my E63 [:

2009-04-05T23:32:00.002+08:00

there are still alot on my mind
none of it related to job finding

and i changed number everyone
this time its for good
im kinda lazy to text everyone in my phone
so i shall attempt to let as many people know by msn as possible [:

i can only pray.

E65

2009-04-05T01:07:00.003+08:00

there a promotion for this phone! E65
and its like sooo cheap.
im considering

i do have so much on my mind and heart i want to tell
and i really just dont know where to start
my heart feels heavy and my mind is blank
i lie on my bed and i just cannot sleep
church is at 8.30 tomorrow.

i shall go try and lie now
i predict, it will be another sleepless night
of just thinking
of nothing much at all.

OH HELLO.

2009-04-02T21:56:00.002+08:00

its like being back in school.

Dear Si Ying

Thank you for your interest in our Ministry and congratulations on being shortlisted for our selection process for the post of Foreign Service Administration Specialist.

Our selection process consists of 2 stages.
Stage 1 of the selection process consists of the following 4 assessments:
(a) Writing Skills Test
(b) Logistical Skills Test
(c) Situational Judgement Test
(d) Personality Test

and what in the world is a situational judgement test
or a logistical skills test
id probably fail that one, logic dont really exist in my world
would the situational judgement test be like
1. if a robber were to ask you for your life or money, what will you do? x]

my visit to the doctors today was coupled
with just more bitter medicine
i think she hates me
cant say im in love with her either

my room is in an entire mess
i have never seen it so messy before
oh well, as long as i can find the things i need
i mean, lets not be too strict with life aye
you can smell my laziness from here

maybe tomorrow maybe
now you can smell my procastination skills

i fell asleep in the afternoon again!
this is disgusting, the weather was so hot
i was in a sauna called my living room

all it took was the aircon, my bed
and how am i going to sleep tonight?
grr.

TRANSFORMATION - LONG POST.

2009-04-01T23:10:00.003+08:00

hello fellow earthlings!
i was just chewing on the first chapter of a book
Daryl sponsored before he flew

and i must say, its pretty awesome
blows your mind away really.

interview today was good
i was offered but i declined
the conditions are just, inhuman.
to me at least.

CALL ME TAN TOCK SENG HOSPITAL.
i mean, to tell me i got an interview for the
social work assistant.

WEIRD.

2009-03-31T14:07:00.001+08:00

its another interview tomorrow!
and i applied for it like so long ago
i totally forgot about it already
she was 'im calling from J&Co"
i was more of what?

i really prefer the hospital job
this company's position i applied for
is advertising and promotions

i mean, what was going through my mind when i applied?
i am totally not the advertising material!
then if tomorrow they say something like,
do this in photoshop
i will be like glaglaglablahblahblah i dont know man

catchup with angie yesterday till weeee hours
then we were both sitting at the bus stop waiting for her bus
after like 20 minutes?
she was like, maybe there isnt a bus anymore
so we checked and true enough! the last bus had gone
she managed to grab a cab and left
by the time i reached home,
it was a bit late and all the cab drivers were staring at me hungrily
wondering whether i will flag their cabs

its movie later with gaen and her girlfriend
i feel like a million watt lightbulb
shining all so brightly
but we are supposed to catch up so...
i shall distract myself with staring straight at the movie screen. HA.
im trying to ask someone to go with me
DARYL'S IN FRANCE. and,
louis has something on, shaun's at work and sheng ming is at school
debra probably is preparing for her 21st on saturday
and my churchmates caught the movie already
ANYONE FREE TO STOP ME FROM BECOMING A LIGHTBULB?
i shall ask the guys again!

im excited about the class outing on friday!
cause i decided to make sandwiches for everyone!
i think thats the only thing i know how to make properly though
egg mayo sandwich!
so people if you havent confirm your attendance please do!
i have to decide how many eggs to use.
awesome!

im hungry,
and i realize that i always end my blog post with me being hungry
thats odd
typing gives me an appetite?

I MISS DARYL MARK LIM TZE HAO.
GRR. [:

UH OH.

2009-03-30T19:25:00.001+08:00

i got a call today for an interview next week
its the position for a PR intern
but its still prudential, just another partner.

i mean i really dont want to be a financial consultant
a lot of people asked me why not and all
its just not my passion!

and i can see the satisfaction of being a financial consultant
that you get to deliver money to people
i know all that
they tell me the drive there is always the money at first
and who doesnt need money!

i just dont want to focus on the needs now
cause once you focus on the needs there will always be fear

oh oh! and tada!
the difference between france and singapore now
is 6 hours, reduced by 1!
isnt it amazing
i know this piece of news doesnt concern you
but lets all stand up and be happy shall we

days passed and i havent got a job
ironically, days passed and hes one more day
to coming back!
so, conflicting emotions

i actually also applied for a Public Relations Officer position
at the A&E department at the hospital
so call me call me before the interview on tuesday
i find that being in this position i can help people
directly more SO CALL ME.

CALL ME YOU HOSPITAL PERSON. [:

WHATS YOUR PASSION?

2009-03-29T23:53:00.000+08:00

everyone has a passion about something
whether it is a particular hobby or others
the key is whether you have thought about what your passion
is and what are you going to do with it

i once read a passage in a book that says:
when you die, what do you think of the most?
is it your bank account? the house? or even the car parked outside
no, but rather the people whom we are going to leave behind
and if relationships are so important to you
on your deathbed, shouldnt they be important now?

some people may see a relationship as a transaction
well, then i would say that it pretty much ends up with
nothing much at all

so i pondered about what is my passion?
then i realized that my passion is people
being able to help them, and make a difference

the insurance company's boss told me
' i dont want to live in a condo, or a HDB, i told myself
want to stay on a landed property'

is that what i really want in life?
thats all good but what real satisfaction can one
obtain from perishable items?
when you die, you want people to remember your house?
your car? or you as a person?

your achievements are only so much
but you as a person, will be always remembered

so how do i want to be remembered?
and that will determine what kind of jobs i look for
i have been searching for Public Relations based jobs
for these few weeks

then i realized now i want to put my skills to good use
i havent concluded on this line yet
but im considering doing something with regards to social work
counselling, or helping the youth.

lastly its to really thank God for today's service
the message and that it speaks to me

keep reading here should you want to know what direction
i have set upon
and i know God will also go ahead and pave the way
its frustrating sometimes to know you want to serve
but unable to find avenues to

now i see things in a different light!
and the equation was so simple

off to talk to Daryl [:

OH YOU, LEFT ON A JETPLANE.

2009-03-27T14:36:00.000+08:00

i cannot fry a sunny-side-up egg! ]:
that puts me in a foul mood
the yolk always ends up breaking,
then spilling everywhere

but i want it to stay where it is!!!
agitated.

i had quite a funny dream last night,
makes me laugh when i think about it
between Daryl and me aye. [:
i cannot tell you all lest you think im nuts
and i concluded that sleeping beside a window at the corridor
is going to make me have a shorter life span

everytime i am about to fall aslp,
there will be someone suddenly talking outside the window
then i will be jolted awake

and im not having curry chicken at my funeral
you all will get PASTA! [:
but pasta is like more expensive right,
SO MAYBE NOT

im fickle
oh my stomach just growled
not that good a feeling
i see the kitchen beckoning

i miss you! 883060* [:

YES OR NO?

2009-03-26T22:09:00.000+08:00

its whether i want to be strong and take the faith plunge
or choosing to give up

tough situations sometimes require the most simple answer
and the easiest way out may not always be the right way

i can always give up, and no one probably cares
but i will always know.
i will always know.

HOLD ON.

2009-03-26T13:08:00.000+08:00

im feeling the crunch of the distance
hit me hard these few days
when will the time come when i dont have to be strong anymore

OH WHALE OH WHALE WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON TV.

2009-03-26T00:18:00.000+08:00

well, theres another interview tomorrow at 10.30 at tamp
which means i have to be up real early!
its a vacancy for recruitment consultant

well, Jacob and Daryl has been asking me to focus on God first
i guess its quite hard sometimes cause the needs seems so overwhelming
in these few days, i asked for wisdom and direction
to show me where i should be

at times, i envy others
people already with good jobs,
at least doing what they want to do
now, i would think that my God
is so awesome that He will know where to place me
to have the most impact,
to build on others' lives

also, i need money
my bank account has hit a all time low
im not that worried even though the money wont last long
im sure God will provide
He provided for me before
and will always provide

i have to be working hard to find jobs though
so prayerfully, i will be able to shine as a light for Jesus in
what ever profession i come to be in
be it the recruitment consultant tomorrow
or the public relations officer i hope to become

all the requirements i saw need a certain amount of working experience
so hopefully this full time job pays average (enough to survive, okay a bit more than enough to survive so i can have financial freedom!) [:
and provide me the experience i need!

and i give up wearing formal
jeans and tee tomorrow! [:

ANDAND

2009-03-25T00:17:00.000+08:00

i forgot to mention, its the end of march!
i would prefer to think april
and half a year more till he comes home!
makes me jump around just thinking of it. [:

NO CAN DO.

2009-03-25T00:13:00.000+08:00

i decided not to take up the insurance job
after a talk with my mum and several other people
who have friends in that line

its not that much of how bad that line is
but rather i dont have the capacity for it
i also refused the telemarketing job offered
i figured that if i were to take that up and not
sign up as an insurance agent
it will just disappoint

well, the lady still hasnt text me back so i figured she is prettttty angry
i pray that she doesnt hate me too much

seriously, we can just all let go and let God.
quote of the month aye. [:

A LITTLE LOVE

2009-03-24T03:26:00.000+08:00

some encouragement yo.
i'd take everything like a man.

UNSURE,

2009-03-24T00:48:00.000+08:00

jacob's conversation with me on msn has made me very unsure
about being in insurance.
i really pray for some light or sign on this issue.
its just a yes or no, but there is so much to consider.

INSURANCE?

2009-03-23T23:09:00.000+08:00

hello all! i guess most of you would want to know how my interview went!
it was good, however, he said that because Public Relations is very important to the company. He is looking at experience and minimum a degree.

he did think that i have potential rather, and he offered me a job being a financial consultant. (insurance agent) even though its not just policies, its also investments, unit trusts and bonds that these financial consultants handle.

he is giving me a basic 1500 and also commission on what i sell. i have to hit a certain amount i would think. right now, he lets me work as a telemarketer while waiting for my 21st to come cause only then i will be of age to become a consultant. he is also paying for the exam that i will take should i choose to become an insurance agent/ financial consultant. his secretary says that he believes in investing in people. so im a investment? i would guess.

he shared with me the benefits of being one by being able to help families put food on the table after the breadwinner had died. and most importantly, the money. this job can pay very well if you are willing to work very hard. and thats possibly in most jobs.

practically, my parents are 49, i dont want them to keep working to support my brother and i. and my brother has a dream to draw, and this dream isnt cheap with the school fees for the school he wants to attend because its such a specialised skill. i dont want to shortchange my brother just because my parents dont earn enough and make my brother forgo his dream. As a sister the most i can do is to make sure that he has the resources to do what he wants. and, this job gives just that. the money involved will be enough to put him through the degree he wants.

if i ever want to give my parents and my brother a good life, or an easier life rather with lesser financial burdens, is this the road i have to take?

focus first on God, the rest will follow. where do i go from here then Lord?
tomorrow there will be a seminar on being a financial consultant. i will probably go. the attraction of the seminar is that Adam Khoo is speaking.

alrights, we know no one really bothers about him but, anyone interested?

FRENCHBOY.

2009-03-22T01:12:00.000+08:00

thank you,
you mean so much to me.
and Zzzz you are not a pokemon.

alrights, i just saw my friend's pm and it says
'People get what they get, not what they deserve. Live with it"
true to a certain extent!

do pray for my interview on monday!
i am sooo not confident about it
however, id still do my best!

laters.

I TOLD YOU SO

2009-03-19T23:21:00.000+08:00

i just heard this awesome song,
carrie underwood. i told you so.
her voice seem made for country music.
songs like these give a perfect touch
to the ending of a day.

well written really, even though the lyrics dont really
apply to me. enjoy [:

I Told You So
Suppose I called you up tonight and told you that I loved you
And suppose I said "I wanna come back home".
And suppose I cried and said "I think I finally learned my lesson"
And I'm tired a-spendin' all my time alone.

If I told you that I realised you're all I ever wanted
And it's killin' me to be so far away.
Would you tell me that you loved me too and would we cry together?
Or would you simply laugh at me and say:

"I told you so, oh I told you so
I told you some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in
I told you so, but you had to go
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".

If I got down on my knees and told you I was yours forever
Would you get down on yours too and take my hand?
Would we get that old time feelin', would we laugh and talk for hours
The way we did when our love first began?

Would you tell me that you'd missed me too and that you'd been so lonely
And you waited for the day that I return.
And we'd live in love forever and that I'm your one and only
Or would you say the tables finally turned?

Would you say:

"I told you so, oh I told you so
I told you some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in
I told you so, but you have to go
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".

"Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".

CREDITS TO SHIRLE, AND JACKJOHNSON.

2009-03-19T21:54:00.000+08:00

i felt the lyrics was quite suitable for one of my friends;
so here you go. [:

Must I always be waiting, waiting on you
Must I always be playing, playing your fool

I sang your songs, I danced your dance
I gave your friends all a chance
But putting up with them
Wasn’t worth never having you

Maybe you’ve been through this before
But it’s my first time so please ignore
The next few lines cause they’re directed at you

I can’t always be waiting, waiting on you
I can’t always be playing, playing your fool

I keep playing your part
But it’s not my scene
Want this plot to twist
I’ve had enough mystery
Keep building it up
Then shooting me down
But I’m already down

Just wait a minute
Just sitting, waiting
Just wait a minute
Just sitting, waiting

Well, if I was in your position
I’d put down all my ammunition
I’d wonder why’d it taken me so long

But Lord knows that I’m not you
And if I was, I wouldn’t be so cruel
Cause waitin’ on love aint so easy to do

Must I always be waiting, waiting on you
Must I always be playing, playing your fool

No, I can’t I always be waiting, waiting on you
I can’t always be playing, playing your fool

some guys in life my love,
NOT WORTH IT.
entirely, absolutely, surely
chuck that kid in the dump
and move on

you are stronger than that.

HOUSEKEYS

2009-03-19T21:37:00.001+08:00

i lost my house keys. again.
puts me in a foul mood. :[

INTERVIEW

2009-03-18T22:36:00.000+08:00

i was still sleeping when she called
'can you come down for an interview at 2.30?'
so i asked the address and hung up.

then it dawned upon me, who was she and where was she calling from?
i had absolutely no idea
i sent out 6 applications and i have no idea which is which!
so i went online to jobscentral to check
and they apparently dont state whether the employer checked the resume or not

there i was, decked out in formal at the office
in my 6 applications, i applied mostly for intern for PR
so i thought this company is probably hiring an intern

the interview was more like a casual chat,
i was told to list my strengths, some of my weaknesses
my hobbies, and things not in the resume basically
so i did. CCAs and what-i-do-in-my-free-time.
she was chatty too and it became a better conversation
then it turned out that she wasnt looking for an intern,
but someone who wants a career in PR
i mean like, gosh at the moment i felt,
how to put it
abruptly slipping into the workforce
like yesterday im still a student, today im supposed to do a 9-6?
i kept saying awesome and cool during the whole interview
and in the end when i was about to leave
the interviewer was like 'awesome!'
shocked me. [:

all's not confirmed till i meet the big boss on monday
of which i am not sure whether he will like me at all
in the meantime, im still spamming employers with my resume [:

i realised today the importance of financial planning
my family doesnt really have money to finance me through university
and i want to make sure that next time should i have kids,
i would want them to rest assured that no matter what interests them
and what paths they want to take, i will have sufficient finances to see them through
its not my parents' issue of course, i mean who teaches financial planning in the old days?
but we, the next generation should know better now.

the purpose of the whole chunk above is to tell you all,
is that im holding back my uni plans.
perhaps id return to my study table after a couple of years of work
but for now, its not practical to do so
the crisis did hit us all in one way or another.

i was looking at my msn, looking for people to talk to
my usual msn game-playing-buddy's not online (aka shengming)
so i decided to count the number of contacts i have
my gosh, 424!
i mean, do i know them all?
its time to clear contacts
then i saw this person i added online for gaming purposes. HAHA.
like gunbound, my gosh! that was ages ago.
i think i added him cause i wanted him to teach me how to use a certain bot.
cracks me up when i think about it

snap out of it siying! you are going to start work soon!
this is not logical at all
i shall go scout for more jobs and send out more resumes
then think about whether i want to download gunbound
id feel less guilty that way. [:

i have this weird craving for laska now
and my supper buddies are all not online :[

the flowers on my table makes me miss you.

HELLO DELL

2009-03-17T21:47:00.000+08:00

i managed to get my adapter back from brandon!
and tada! my hugemonous dell laptop is back in action
its really huge, i feel tired typing already.
i can usually reach within every key with my tiny white lenovo aka Betty.
but now, i have to make an extra effort to stretch pass the keys.

met up with my grandmother today,
and i must say, i feel that shes really intelligent.
not as in books-wise.
but she really knows alot.
for example, when the ladyfingers' are left outside longer than they should,
and also, practicality. i would say that shes really different from the
typical singaporean young housewife we see on the streets
in my opinion, my grandmama has substance!
yes, thats the word i was looking for! substance.

and! my hugemonous dell has this awesome ability to type chinese
so as i promised, i shall type the stuff i wrote in chinese!

post titled WEEHOURS.

怎样才算付出自己的真心？
当自己的一切，甚至连性命都不重要。
你的心，只属于他这个人。
即使让你如何心痛，心伤，
你也无法离弃，一无反顾。
没有选择，没有犹豫。
非如此不可。

post titled SPLIT
感情是贵在专至，始终如一。

swimming session has been quite therapeutic.
its a pity that i wasnt decisive enough to swim when the sun was scorching hot today
in the end when i reached, it was bout six plus and not that hot already.
swam only for a while, the flies started coming
and all the dead flies floating in the water is not a pretty sight
trust me

alrights, i sense the beckoning of yakult!
laters!

ESFP

2009-03-17T15:18:00.000+08:00

from shirle's blog who saw it off shuxian's blog, and ima ESFP!

The Performer

As an ESFP, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. Your secondary mode is internal, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system.

ESFPs live in the world of people possibilties. They love people and new experiences. They are lively and fun, and enjoy being the center of attention. They live in the here-and-now, and relish excitement and drama in their lives.(DARYL LOOK AT THIS, LOL)

ESFPs have very strong inter-personal skills, and may find themselves in the role of the peacemaker frequently. Since they make decisions by using their personal values, they are usually very sympathetic and concerned for other people's well-being. They're usually quite generous and warm. They are very observant about other people, and seem to sense what is wrong with someone before others might, responding warmly with a solution to a practical need. They might not be the best advice-givers in the world, because they dislike theory and future-planning, but they are great for giving practical care.

ESFP is definitely a spontaneous, optimistic individual. They love to have fun. If the ESFP has not developed their Thinking side by giving consideration to rational thought processing, they tend to become over-indulgent, and place more importance on immediate sensation and gratification than on their duties and obligations. They may also avoid looking at long-term consequences of their actions.

For the ESFP, the entire world is a stage. They love to be the center of attention and perform for people. They're constantly putting on a show for others to entertain them and make them happy. They enjoy stimulating other people's senses, and are extremely good at it. They would love nothing more than for life to be a continual party, in which they play the role of the fun-loving host.

ESFPs love people, and everybody loves an ESFP. One of their greatest gifts is their general acceptance of everyone. They are upbeat and enthusiastic, and genuinely like almost everybody. An ESFP is unfailingly warm and generous with their friends, and they generally treat everyone as a friend. However, once crosesed, an ESFP is likely to make a very strong and stubborn judgment against the person who crossed them. They are capable of deep dislike in such a situation.

The ESFP under a great deal of stress gets overwhelmed with negatives thoughts and possibilities. As an optimistic individual who lives in the world of possibilities, negative possibilities do not sit well with them. In an effort to combat these thoughts, they're likely to come up with simple, global statements to explain away the problem. These simplistic explanations may or may not truly get to the nature of the issue, but they serve the ESFP well by allowing them to get over it.

ESFPs are likely to be very practical, although they hate structure and routine. They like to "go with the flow", trusting in their ability to improvise in any situation presented to them. They learn best with "hands-on" experience, rather than by studying a book. They're uncomfortable with theory. If an ESFP hasn't developed their intuitive side, they may tend to avoid situations which involve a lot of theoretical thinking, or which are complex and ambiguous. For this reason, an ESFP may have difficulty in school. On the other hand, the ESFP does extremely well in situations where they're allowed to learn by interacting with others, or in which they "learn by doing".

ESFPs have a very well-developed appreciation for aesthetic beauty, and an excellent sense of space and function. If they have the means, they're likely to have to have many beautiful possessions, and an artfully furnished home. In general, they take great pleasure in objects of aesthetic beauty. They're likely to have a strong appreciation for the finer things in life, such as good food and good wine.

The ESFP is a great team player. He or she is not likely to create any problems or fuss, and is likely to create the most fun environment possible for getting the task done. ESFPs will do best in careers in which they are able to use their excellent people skills, along with their abilities to meld ideas into structured formats. Since they are fast-paced individuals who like new experiences, they should choose careers which offer or require a lot of diversity, as well as people skills.

ESFPs usually like to feel strongly bonded with other people, and have a connection with animals and small children that is not found in most other types. They're likely to have a strong appreciation for the beauties of nature as well.

The ESFP has a tremendous love for life, and knows how to have fun. (AWESOME.)They like to bring others along on their fun-rides, and are typically a lot of fun to be with. They're flexible, adaptable, genuinely interested in people, and usually kind-hearted. They have a special ability to get a lot of fun out of life, but they need to watch out for the pitfalls associated with living entirely in the moment.

Possible Career Paths for the ESFP:

Artists, Performers and Actors

Sales Representatives

Counselors / Social Work

Child Care

Fashion Designers

Interior Decorators

Consultants

Photographer

PUREST OF PAIN, SON BY 4.

2009-03-15T20:24:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry I didn't mean to call you
But I couldn't fight it
I guess I was weak and couldn't even hide it
And so I surrender just to hear your voice

But there's something baby that you need to know
That deep inside me I feel like I'm dying
I have to see you it's all that I'm asking

Baby, give me back my fantasies
The courage that I need to live
The air that I breathe

nice song.

2009-03-15T20:17:00.000+08:00

“Everyone of us is losing something precious to us. Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back again. That’s part of what it means to be alive. But inside our heads—at least that’s where I imagine it—there’s a little room where we store those memories. A room like the stacks in this library. And to understand the workings of our own heart we have to keep on making new reference cards. We have to dust things off every once in a while, let in fresh air, change the water in the flower vases. In other words, you’ll live forever in your own little private library.”

--Oshima

off ting's blog, awesome.

COST.

2009-03-12T23:07:00.000+08:00

the wind was cold, along with it came the smell of the sea,
and mashed with memories
there is nowhere to run sometimes,
protection from hurt is represented by a door
that stays bolted and shut from the world outside

inside here, there is nothing that i dont want to see
no one i cannot talk to.
i feel safe being here, sometimes.

words are powerful, they have the ability to build someone up,
or tear them down to the very last of their soul
just because words dont take much effort to say,
doesnt mean the impact of it will be any lesser than that insignificant effort
you made to blurt them out.

what was the intention? right now, does it matter?
even if we fought, killed, bled and died
will the end result remain the way it is?
its sad that sometimes, the entire situation depends on one person
and that one person doesnt let go,
along with him, he dragged loved ones
shackled them to his own pain and memories
forced to remain in darkness forever

when will you let go?

SPLIT

2009-03-12T01:17:00.000+08:00

gan qing shi gui zai quan zhi, shi zhong ru yi.

the meaning of this sentence is,
worthy are the feelings only for one woman
i remember pastor saying before that

the sexiest man in the world is the man that can only satisfy one woman and be satisfied by that same one woman his entire life.

wonder how is there always room for another person in
someone's heart,
how can you be holding the hand of one, and dreaming of another?

is that not...?

WEE HOURS

2009-03-10T00:54:00.000+08:00

interview's today! its still okay i guess [:
and im still awake watching DVDs.
i love the new show i brought, and and i cant stop watching!
im officially addicted
really romantic!
the way the lady described love is really thought provoking.
let me try and translate it to english. honestly the chinese version brings out more meaning.

what does giving of yourself mean?
when everything, even your life dont matter, your heart only belongs to that person, no matter how painful, hurting, you cannot leave, or turn your back. no choices, no hesitations, the only way.

a pity my computer cannot type chinese, but i shall put the hanyupinyin version here!
i hope you all get it! or else you can ask me to repeat it to you. ;D

zen yang cai suan fu qu zi ji de zhen xing?
dang zi ji de yi qie, shen zhi lian xing ming dou bu zhong yao,
ni de xing, zhi shu yu ta zhe ke ren
ji shi rang ni ru he xing tong, xing shang,
ni ye wu fa li qi, yi wu fan gu
mei you xuan zhe, mei you you yu
fei ru ci bu ke

here you go!
theres nothing much to my week or my day
but rather alot of thoughts i would rather keep it inside
till that first flight that brings you home to me

id always be waiting for you

I MISS YOU.

2009-03-08T00:38:00.003+08:00

i feel insignificant sometimes.

ITS LONG GONE

2009-03-07T21:56:00.000+08:00

a possibly sad note to a day,
the rain brings a mixture of emotions that's not particularly happy
nor extremely sad

its long gone,
was the goodbye to the past, and a hello to what is going to be
cannot help but sigh, as i look outside
wishing some things can change, or some things that are going to change remain the same forever. of course, no one gets what they want really.

sometimes i wonder who cares that i care
sometimes i wonder whether things will be okay
sometimes i just dont like to be kept in the dark,
just cause its about someone i aint particularly in love with.

its frustrating to be me

MAKING LOVE OUTTA NOTHING AT ALL.

2009-03-05T01:11:00.000+08:00

But I dont know how to leave you,
And Ill never let you fall;
And I dont know how you do it,
Making love out of nothing at all

I MISS YOU.

i hate my cramps.
i hate hate hate them.

HOLIDAYS!

2009-02-28T14:34:00.001+08:00

its great bumming around, so very great
that im so spoilt recently!

it was mani and pedi directly after exams
then waiting for louis, sm and shaun to finish theirs
waiting includes slacking at home, waking up just to eat
and sleeping just to eat again [:

and it also includes checking my emails everyday!
so awesome.

went over to hajilane that day to take pictures!
and the pictures are up on facebook! [:

post exam activities lined up are lots!

: finish up my presents! (which im doing like mad now)
: chalet
: pulau ubin trek/walk/cycle/phototaking outing
: east coast park cycle/walk/blade
: skate my ass off (not like anyone can do that)
: helping sm diet (swim/run/jump/kick/punch)
: work ]:

of which i havent found any proper work yet
and a 9-5 job bores me to death
its the tradeoff between a good paying job and boring
or a bad paying job thats fun!

i did promise jaz that i will go back to liquid and work
and so i will,
visit me at liquid on the days i work and id get you all discounts!
just text me before you come! [:

theres really no such thing as a good paying job and fun ?
i guess not.

today's junyi's 21st birthday celebration,
i dont really understand how can i forget about it
and only remembered last night
sorry dude!

now i dont really know what to get for him,
21st is supposed to be special,
so im supposed to get something meaningful
im really bad at doing that.

TMNT's on tv, leonardo and rapahel's awesome.
the rat's not bad too.

i should be off to shower and set off to find a present
oh! maybe a tie from G2000. or something.
i remember shirle getting that for guojun.
shall lie on the sofa here a while.

alrights. laters.

FRIENDSHIP

2009-02-23T22:06:00.000+08:00

friendships like other relationships
should be carefully maintained to produce fruits

its only reasonable that some people longer to trust another person
and only reasonable that trust may not be mutual

pouring trust, love and faith into any relationship
at any point, is tiring.
friendship is not a one way highroad and must be
constantly renewed with honesty, openness and trust.

dont hide in a shell behind the protective material
because that will just make you unable to withstand storms
as you learn how to come out of that shell
slowly, you will also learn how to fight the strong winds that
may blow you off

some of course, are contented to just stay in there forever
and like nothing they have as they came,
nothing they will take away as they leave

nothing.

TIME

2009-02-21T14:02:00.000+08:00

back from lunch and downed two bottles of yakult
so many chapters to clear, i had better start now

cell group's later and after that
i wanted to go stroll a bit in town alone
im helpless am i

no sense of urgency AT ALL

LIFE.

2009-02-21T13:19:00.001+08:00

life is like that sometimes
you make choices, you get consequences
just like you choose to go deposit money
you have to face the consequence of leaving ALL
the notes you are studying for monday's paper
at the atm machine

HOW CAN I PLUG THE HOLE OF ABSENTMINDEDNESS IN MY BRAINS?
im disgusted at myself
was i sleep walking yesterday?

to think i reminded myself when i deposited the money that i left a file
at the top of the machine

i lost my little mermaid ring, which i liked super
while it was still on my finger
now my file

i cant be more angry with myself.
i cant really whine to anyone who would listen
so i guess i shall
really
truly
go eat my lunch right now.

RUN WITH THE HORSES

2009-02-19T12:12:00.000+08:00

Life is difficult, Jeremiah.
are you going to quit at the first wave of opposition?
are you going to retreat when you find that there's more to life
than finding three meals a day and a dry place to sleep at night?
are you going to run home the minute you discover that the mass of
men and women are more interested in keeping their feet warm
than living at the risk of the glory of God?

are you going to live cautiously or courageously?
i called you to live at your best,
to pursue righteousness,
to sustain a drive toward excellence

it is easier, i know, to be neurotic
it is easier to be parasitic
it is easier to relax in the embracing arms of The Average

Easier, but not better
easier, but not more significant
easier, but not more fulfilling

i called you to a life of purpose far beyond what you think
yourself capable of living and promised you adequate strength
to fulfill your destiny

if you are fatigued by this run-of-the-mill crowd
of apathetic mediocrities,

what will you do when the real race starts?
the race with swift and determined horses of excellence?

what is it you really want, Jeremiah?
do you want to shuffle along with this crowd,
or run with the horses?

RELATIONSHIPS

2009-02-17T22:33:00.000+08:00

many enter a relationship with the opposite sex
without an end in mind,
do the maths and one will come to know that the relationship
will have no direction

should one dont have the end in mind,
the relationships may likely end in heartbreaks
why risk your heart?
think slowly and carefully about what you want in the opposite sex

and
never ever get together for the sake of getting together
im seeing it more an more often
when the strong wind blows, the foundation of the relationship will rock
its after all, based on nothing permanent at all

friends, come and go
but its heart warming to always know that no matter how far or how close
you are to your friends at any point of time
some friends are truly there always

you can meet friends you havent had for a long time
but still be able to bare your heart and soul
cause you trust them

sure everyone will have to grow up, mature
have families, yet its doesnt mean that one will lose friends
because true relationships
can withstand the trial of time

and im sure ours will [:

MULTIPLYING.

2009-02-14T11:49:00.000+08:00

my anti-virus just told me i have 55 viruses.
so not only the virus is a bitch,
its having puppies.

like shit.
randomly, i want to buy a CD,
or a ticket to france.

A CHOICE.

2009-02-14T11:20:00.000+08:00

read this off shengming's blog!
and i truly believe in what our teacher said

finally our favourite marco/micro economics
teacher say something we wont forget.
'growing old is not a choice,
growing up is a choice'

usually she just tells us how useless we are
like seriously

AND.
i permed my hair! [;
im not supposed to wash my hair for a day,
but i went to play basketball then had to go home and shower
so the curls are not as obvious now
im supposed to put some wax thing to hold it in place,
which i shall try later

HAPPY VALENTINES' DAY EVERYONE.
im totally looking forward to 7pm coming soon!

the weekend's here,
its still as busy as ever though
perhaps there will be some time left over
perhaps

france, never near enough.
come home soon.

GRPMATES

2009-02-11T23:10:00.001+08:00

what else can i say?
i truly thank God for each and everyone of you
academic performance for the presentation is secondary to me
compared to the friendships forged

why do you build me up, (build me up) buttercup baby
just to let me down, and mess me around

and i wont forget you, oh yes you.
my groupmates

2009-02-07T23:22:00.000+08:00

I know youve heard these words a hundred other times before.
And youve been hurting so your heart has chose to close the door.
Love broke your heart and brought you lies.
Look in my eyes, youll see a love thats deep and true.
Tender and strong and all for you.
You can trust this love
Honest, thats the honest truth

From the heart Im giving you everything, everything.
From the heart. I promise you that Ill be there.
Ill be there to love you.
From the soul Im showing you all I feel, all I feel is,
From the heart, from the heart.
I will protect you and respect you and be all you need.
And when you reach for love you only need to reach for me.
These arms will never let you down.
Theyre staying around.
Ill walk with you through every storm.
Ill keep you save Ill keep you warm.
And youll have no doubt.. youre the one Im living for.

Ill provide the love you need.
Just trust my touch, believe in me.
Ill never make you cry.
Give it all I got, with all Ive got inside.

sweet song isnt it,
sometimes, you wish reality was that simple

smart people speak from experience, smarter people, from experience, dont speak.

dont turn back and look for him
when he doesnt stop you from walking away

WHINE.

2009-02-05T12:33:00.000+08:00

i think this week is the most un-fantastic week
on top of the fact that we have to come back to school everyday for project
when there are no classes

#1 i stepped on a snail yesterday and yes, i am very bothered
#2 i got to retake my medication after misinterpreting the doctors' instructions, then get scolded
#3 this morning i forgot to take my medication out, which means theres a lapse in my medication which is not good
#4 this morning i had super runny nose and no tissue. i solved that by making fabian go buy tissue for me
#5 one of my best friends is going through a rough time then i feel quite affected that shes so sad, i am going to try and cheer her up a bit!
#6 my five members team for IS is missing 3, leaving only dexter and me to do up the work, so we decided to forsake the part that needs 100 surveys done. and moving on.
#7 shuxian, shirley and rod are going for class and im going to wait for them to finish. which is about 2 hours.

i shall eventually become fossilised to the chair, perhaps someone will find me a million years from now and study what the human race is
it seems that the end of the world is going to come here and now
i rather it not though

reminds me of the show AI, artificial intelligence. touching show really.
i recall tearing at the end

i want a hug, like right now.
fly yourself back. NOW. :]

BEAUTY. SKIN DEEP?

2009-01-28T00:31:00.000+08:00

we have been down this road so many times
beauty and its definitions
so objective and subjective all at the same time
what does it mean to be truly beautiful?

i remember typing something similar before
but i shall type it again

ladies, its time to stop
being affected by the media with a cookie cutter definition of beauty
changing ourselves to suit others' wishes and dreams
being pressured by the pinning of their expectations on ourselves

soon we take those expectations as our own expectations for ourselves
we diet, exercise to fit into that dress, if we can dont breathe to make
ourselves skinner, we would
what are the considerations?

becoming skinner physically is not exactly unhealthy
i mean if you are becoming healthier than why not
we all know being overweight do lead to diseases such as heart problems
but we know people start with this step and then cross the line more and more
till one day, they cannot live up to their own expectations of themselves

and theres the issue that perhaps you are not even fat in the first place
then what is there to diet?
girls however, we are somehow able to dig out some lump of flesh to want to cut down on

i wonder when will this stop.
stop taking expectations of others and turning them to those of our own
it will soon kill us
this death will kill us inside and outside slowly bit by bit
the first step may be cutting 5kg, then realising you are able to do it
pin more and more expectations on yourself

guys,
look at a 'ugly' girl and tell me, what defines ugly?
her thighs, her face? her eyes?
we are past the phase of the inside counts for a lot
so why, why are still so many expectations of girls?
to be of a certain criteria?
is it such so that we can expect our men to be of a certain standard?

does love, come with expectations?
i wonder.

louis once asked me a question,
is a relationship all about give and take?
so i kept thinking about it and i asked
the final verdict is that a relationship is not about giving and taking
not even about compromising
a relationship is all about just giving

i think i will not support someone dieting to fit into a dress
but rather dieting for the right purposes
to maintain weight or to be healthy
dieting to fit into a dress seems to be self improvement for all the wrong reasons

plenty for thought.

FINALLY.

2009-01-22T09:41:00.000+08:00

i have been so determined to blog but havent even dug out some time
the projects i have are keeping my group mates and me
in school till about 5/6?
then it will be either dinner with them (shuxian and shirley)
by the time i get my bus which comes once every 2000 years by a way
and reach home, it will be close to nine

then it will be my daily stoning session
whereby i will spend time with my family stoning
awesome isnt it

i will be looking forward at the tv,
i dont remember what i watch mostly
the things i am supposed to do just run through my head

its also frustrating that my body is not strong enough
for me to be so hard on her
i feel that i shouldnt!
God's temple and im treating His temple quite badly
by little sleep, little food, little blood. literally.

a bit late to have a new year resolution
i would want to have a proper sleeping routine,
eat my meals and not forget
thankfully my stomach usually dont let me forget
its just that sometimes work seems more important
i cant believe my eyes!
you cant believe yours either!
im saying that work is more important than food!

i just had the presentation on the Holocaust
i guess, i was quite badly affected by the plight of victims
this massacre was none like any other
i wondered, as the victims get tortured slowly to death
what is the worst torture?

then i read this article about how this mother fed her
baby urine to stop the baby from crying to not alert the soldiers
and the baby died from choking
the mother went crazy and carry her dead baby around
screaming for people to feed her baby
when people took the baby from her hands,
it was already dead for a few days

then i realised, that no matter what torture
be it physically, mentally, emotionally
are all equally painful and hard to take
there should not be any comparison of torture
the man who was slowly tortured to death suffered as much
as parents who kill their own child to end the suffering

enough of the serious talk,
i am starving and sleepy
i want to at least satisfy one and eat soon
the sleep on the bus first time today,
was the first time i slept, without knowing i slept

HELLO WORLD.

2009-01-15T11:51:00.001+08:00

this picture spoke to me somehow
maybe its the words, maybe its something else
i am not too sure

i saw a call for an update from shengming!
one word can summarize my life in the recent weeks
busy

i dont remember my days
i dont remember my meals
what i eat, how i sleep

i do thank god for groupmates
cause they do make project work easier to take

life has gotten so dry that its almost seems like a bad drought
i wonder when is the rain coming.

WEEKENDS

2009-01-03T16:41:00.001+08:00

today is saturday! awesome.
school starts in two days.
what more can i say.

it actually rhymes a bit don't you think so
point of reflection of the week is that
different people have different values in different situations
makes me wonder when is things right or wrong for that matter

i realised through watching tv i actually learn certain moral values
at least i felt hat i did
like i remember there was this show where the actors said that relationships
in life are not based on luck but rather on hard work and effort to maintain
and it really struck me, that how many relationships i have in my life that
i would want to maintain?

i thought of friends who are out of my life and me out of theirs for quite some time
some of them busy with work, some of them with new relationships
but whatever the matter, or the cause
an effort has to be made to maintain relationships.

my stomach is calling me to feed it
theres not much food in the house though
okay, im just being picky
there is food but i just dont like it
vegetables.

they will overtake singapore one day i swear
with the big cabbage leaves and those green caixin
-shudders at the thought

HOLIDAYS ENDING.

2008-12-30T21:06:00.000+08:00

what is this,
i dont even remember the holiday starting and
i am already counting down to the new year
that is good and bad in alot of ways
good because time is flying even though
france is a million miles away
bad because next year is so uncertain!

my projects and resume,
i cannot understand my low level of productivity
and ive been at home everyday!
its already starting to make me sick
i cant believe i am saying this
but i think not getting out more is why the dodo bird died of a natural death
no one really remembers that advert
oh moving on!

i have to start doing work
work = projects and resume
still have to dig for my certs to self promote myself
what am i going to say?
team player? confident?
but i am not supposed to lie!

i will really kill myself if i dont get down to doing work soon
oh funny i had the thought of killing myself if i dont do work
but not just doing work like right now

my procrastinating skills has hit a whole new level
i can just tell from the way i am putting things off
and i cant have a new year resolution not to procrastinate
cause i will just procrastinate to fulfill that resolution

funny how that all sounds contradicting but make some sense at some point of time?
i have only been out twice this week!
-pats self on the back
im already going crazy.

LUCKY.

2008-12-23T00:44:00.000+08:00

Do you hear me,
I’m talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I’m trying

Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

They don’t know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I’ll wait for you I promise you, I will

I’m lucky I’m in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I’m lucky we’re in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

-Jason Mraz feat. Colbie Caillat

is there really such thing as luck?

its funny how people are so near sometimes, and yet so far away.

EMOTIONAL. AND YOU DONT KNOW.

2008-12-20T03:16:00.000+08:00

i breathed in the smoky air.
and blew it out, all that cigarette taste in my mouth

oh how long have we fought, how many times
to just
believe, like it wont fail you
trust, like it wont betray you
love, like it wont leave you

because oh no they wont understand,
so why let them see you
the fear that rushes through veins
what do they know

how much you tried to hold on when someone else is letting go
i only want to sleep so much, sleeping too long would only mean
being too far from reality, and that gives too much hope

when you fight those voices in your head
do the people around you add to them? or fight them instead?
reassuring words you wont find repeating
cause its tiring to say

give yourself a pat on the back
and tell yourself everything's ok

everything's ok when life takes its toll
when everything seems pitch black
when you cant find the end of that rainbow

everything's ok when the person you love hurts you so

dear god, are you there tonight?
cause i really need you to hold me tight.

emotions mashed with writing
raw blogging
i think its not a bad prose. (:
i am starting to know how to express how i feel with my limited vocab.

BANGS

2008-12-17T16:17:00.000+08:00

so im going for a new look
i think thats what your monthly period does to you
i am going to cut bangs!
i have lost too much blood to hesitate to change my look!
and i have not much idea what exactly i am blogging about
there is not much coherence.

i can just cut it, and if it does makes me look scary,
i will just leave it long again
awesome.

wan ting is my sole influence,
we will pop over by the salon together!
and hopefully its not too bad looking.
perhaps, at the rate of my blood loss
and the cramps, i will not end up at the salon anyway

i see BB assignment, Advertising and so much more
makes me wonder how little time i will be left with to pack my table

rowing is tomorrow morning
so i got to be up by 6
i cross my fingers and toes i wont capsize tomorrow
rowing is alot about confidence i feel
that if you row with confidence, its not that easy to topple over
trust your stroke, move with the water.

and and, i got pretty flowers (:
they are awesome too. all pretty colours.
truly made my day, i was all moody and cramp-ish
till the flowers came along.

tried some super sweet xiao long bao at din tai fung yesterday
i never really liked xiao long bao,
but the ones i ate was super sweet.
i am all craving for it now.

ever wondered whether its time to talk to your father properly
like, to stop being so serious, so formal
hes dad after all, i guess in Asian cultures there are no outward
showing of love, care and affection.

i firmly feel that it is up to the next generation to change it
so i shall 'yoyo' my dad the next time i see him
time to sizzle up the relationship! (:

and and, can france just swap places with malaysia.

LIPS OF AN ANGEL.

2008-12-09T15:33:00.000+08:00

i am not too sure how to have time for people who dont have time for me
because even if you leave this big blank of time in your life
it doesnt mean that they will happily come along to fill it up
which ties me faintly to the word sincerity
or insincerity rather.

another sleepless night,
i shall exhaust all possibilities before turning to steroids.
i do have them still, in my cupboard looking back at me
i have to snap out of the mindset that only steroids can help
and i have to start helping myself

i did not attend the BA com meeting today! ):
im blaming it so on this disease.

grandma's birthday was yesterday
suggested playing majong with her to keep her company
so she doesnt feel lonely
awesome time cause she was winning us all the way
and giving us a lecture on how to play
we were like having a live discussion about majong.
awesome.

i will have to go and pass louis the majong tiles i borrowed later though
as much as i dont want to go out with all the patches on my skin,
there is no food at home anyway!
and randomly, the five wounds on my arm looks like the 5circles in majong!
awesome.
alrights, i will stop finding such linkless similarities.

so i shall go out and hunt for my dinner at ang mo kio hub
lugging heavy weights in the shape of small rectangular majong tiles
i want to sleep tonight.

DEAR GOD,

2008-12-09T00:45:00.000+08:00

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love
Purpose hard to find
While I recall all the words you spoke to me
Can't help but wish that I was there
Back where I'd love to be, oh yeah

Dear God the only thing I ask of you
Is to hold her when I'm not around
When I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again, oh no
Once again

There's nothing here for me on this barren road
There's no one here while the city sleeps
And all the shops are closed
Can't help but think of the times I've had with you
Pictures and some memories will have to help me through

- Avenged Sevenfold.

worthy song to listen to.

LOVE SONGS

2008-12-07T10:37:00.000+08:00

i find myself remembering love songs in the morning.
its just wonderful how people can put words together
and make something so simple as a melody become so meaningful

i thought of songs like
at the beginning
truly,madly,deeply
i knew i loved you before i met you
thats when i love you

the common denominator of all love songs is that love is never about one person
there is always a 'we' or people sing about the person they love
sneak preview of thats when i love you lyrics! brackets of my own comments. x)

When you have to look away
When you don't have much to say
That's when I love you
I love you
Just that way (loving that person the way he is, not the way we want him to be)

To hear you stumble when you speak
Or see you walk with two left feet
That's when I love you
I love you endlessly

And when you're mad cause you lost a game
Forget im waiting in the rain
Baby I love you
I love you anyway

Cause here's my promise made tonight
You can count on me for life
Cause that's when I love you
When nothing you do could change my mind (when people change, people give up, is there a need to give up? that when he becomes the worst person ever, will we still love? i wonder.)
The more I learn the more I love
The more my heart can't get enough
That's when I love you
When I love you no matter what

So when you turn to hide your eyes
Cause the movie, it made you cry
That's when I love you
I love you a little more each time

And when you can't quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes (i laugh at my own jokes too)
That's when I love you
I love you more than you know

And when you forget that we had a date
Or that look that you give when you show up late
Baby I love you
I love you anyway

awesome song to think of in the morning, its to shower then church!
i hear the toilet beckoning me.

randomly, i watched alien vs predator yesterday and it was so gross
why cant the other channels have something to watch,
then i dont have to be left with the odd long tail creatures chewing on humans
oh yes, its that gross!

HOWS THAT

2008-12-06T12:22:00.000+08:00

i deleted my old blog by accident.
a new blog has to mean a new beginning
since that blog was already 4 years old.

grateful for everyone. thank you.
you all made my day. and perhaps my night. (: